Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 26: Episode 1




00a: Rob Lowe / Eminem

Dream Team 2000

[ each scene is shown as it is described ]

Announcer: The Dream Team. Once again, these magnificent athletes captured Olympic gold, and the hearts of a generation. And now you can capture the memories with the official Dream Team 2000 video. [ video and phone number to order appear on the screen ] Relive all their greatest moments. The high-flying dunks. The stifling defense. The occasional teamwork. And the irritating sense of entitlement. You also get the inexplicably house-style post-game interviews. Vince Carter dunking over a shorter Chinese athlete and then taunting him. And coaches swearing at referees.

This Dream Team is the fifth best Dream Team of all time. [ shows bored fans in the bleachers ] That's why you'll want to remember moments like:

Shaquille O' Neal-refusing to play

Kobe Bryant-also refusing to play

And Alan Iverson - who was deemed too dangerous to travel abroad.

This is the team that annihilated France by more than 8 points, and sent those lame Lithuanians home with a humiliating 2-point loss. And then refused to shake their hands! No one touches the Dream Team!

Order today and you'll also receive a video of other great U.S. Olympic memories like:

Gary Hall, Jr. showing off before a race.. that he almost won!

The men's 4x100 relay team posing with their awesome muscles flexed. Suck on that, Barbados!

Amy Van Dykus spitting in her opponent's lane before a race. [ the scene is replayed ] Yeah!

And what about this classic move? [ shows Olympic race where U.S. athlete is ahead of his opponents and taunts them by waving his hand at them ] You're gonna have to do better than that, other countries!

[ both videos and phone number to order appear on the screen ] America's the best and we won the Olympics! Order today! [ fade out ]


submitted by: Tony DuMont


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