Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 26: Episode 2





00b: Kate Hudson / Radiohead

Girls Gone Wild!

Daughter.....Kate Hudson
Dad.....Will Ferrell
Mom.....Molly Shannon

Daughter: Hey, what are you watching?

Dad: An E! Celebrity Profile on Drew Carey.

Mom: It's very good. Now, he's from Cleveland - I didn't know that. Sit down, honey, it's a very good show.

Dad: It's so good to have you home from college!

Daughter: I know, I miss hanging out with you guys!

Dad: We miss hanging out with you, kiddo!

[ cut to commercial on television ]

Television Announcer : Warning! The following commercial is for adults only! "Girls Gone Wild" just got wilder! "Girls Gone Wild" on Spring Break! Our cameras captured real girls, college co-eds, sorority girls - unbuttoned and uncensored! [ Daughter is shown exposing herself to the cameras in the commercial ] Actual videos of girls who go to Spring Break, break the rules and hang out! Order today!

[ cut back to the shocked family ]

Mom: [ upset ] I cannot believe this!

Dad: My little girl.. why?

Daughter: It.. it wasn't me..

Daughter: Come on, Shelley - we know it was you!

Mom: I know.. I'm sorry..

Dad: What happened?

Daughter: I don't know, it was Spring Break, I got carried away..

Dad: I'll say.

Daughter: I mean, if I let you guys down, I'm really sorry.

Mom: [ thinking ] Well.. we all make mistakes..

[ phone rings ]

Dad: Yeah, hopefully no one saw it. [ answers phone ] Hello. Yes, Grandma, we saw it, too. No.. no, it's not her - but it looks like her. No. Alright, Grandma, talk to you later. [ hangs up ] Perfect. I just lied to Grandma.

Daughter: I'm sorry, guys..

Mom: Well, we're disappointed.. but it is just a little mistake, so..

Dad: Well, let's just forget it, and watch "Walker, Texas Ranger"..

[ cut to "48 Hours" on the television ]

Television Announcer: Tomorrow night on "48 Hours": what parents don't know about Spring Break. [ more wild footage of Daughter on Spring Break is shown, complete with guy licking whipped cream off her chest ] Shocking videos that show you just how wild things get.

[ cut back to upset family ]

Dad: Sonofabitch! I can't believe this!

Mom: [ more upset ] Shelley!

Daughter: Oh, my God! I mean, it was just that once! That weekend in South Padre Island!

Dad: [ answers ringing phone ] Yeah? Yeah, Grandma, we saw it. Yes, it's her. Hold on, that's the other line. [ picks up other line ] Hello? Yes, Nana - it's your other grandma - yes, we saw it. I'll cal you back.

Mom: Okay, this is horrible!

Dad: We did not send you to college for that! You can pay for college yourself with the money you made from that tape.

Daughter: I didn't get any money from that tape..

Dad: Well, good going, Einstein! Someone else gets rich off of you showing your coconuts!

Daughter: I'm sorry.. I messed up.

Mom: Well.. let's just it go, Malcolm. She made a little mistake.

Dad: I can't believe this.. I'll be the laughingstock at the courthouse.

Daughter: Oh, Dad, it's not your mistake. And as long as you don't tell anyone, they'll never know.

Dad: [ mulling it over ] ..I.. guess you're right

[ cut to television airing "COPS" - drunken Daughter being arrested and telling all ]

Daughter on Television: My father is Malcolm Bills! He works in the county courthouse..

[ cut to the family ]

Dad: Wonderful. You said my name. Everyone at work will know.

Daughter: [ mad at herself ] Oh, I forgot about that!

Television Announcer: "Girls Gone Wild" just got even wilder! Introducing the new "Girls Gone Wild at Mardi Gras".

Dad: Thank God you didn't go with us to Mardi Gras last year.. [ eyes widen ] Oh, my God, no!

[ cut to television - Mom shown exposing herself at Mardi Gras ]

Television Announcer: It's not just college girls who get into the act at Mardi Gras..!

[ cut back to the family ]

Dad: Honey?

Mom: It was the Mardi Gras, and they were giving out the beads..

[ phone rings ]

Dad: You know what? Let's just let the machine get that, okay?

[ scene fades ]


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