00g: Val Kilmer / U2
Veronica & Co.
Veronica Kilvere.....Molly Shannon
Dr.Marshall Reames.....Val Kilmer
Jeannie Fukal.....Ana Gasteyer
Kevin Aquarius.....Chris Parnell
[Opens with logo of Veronica & Co. on the wall. Techno
music plays. Veronica is standing on the catwalk wears
a fashionable black dress, the stage behind her has
her guests sitting in their chairs, the audience
surrounds the catwalk]
Veronica Kilvere:[foreign accent] Hi, you guys! I'm
Veronica Kilvere, European supermodel and this is my
show, "Veronica and Company" It's a show....[Audience
applauds]Thank you so much. Thank you. It's a show
about people and issues and people talking about these
issues. So let's get started. Today my guests are Dr.
Marshall Reames from Women's Health Clinic[dumb
blonde, dumb smile]Jeannie Fukal, which is famous for
her cookies[frumpy, nerdy looking woman]and a funny
silver robot man from Times Squares which is named
Kevin Aquarius.[Man in all tight silver outfit, silver
painted face makes robot-like military salute]He's
hysterical! OK, let's crank this baby up and get
started![Techno music plays, she struts down the
catwalk, poses, goes back and joins his guests, she
sits]I love my show!! So, who wants to talk first on
my show "Veronica and Company"?
Jeannie Fukal: Uh, well I could talk about my modeling
career but I don't have one.[Giggles]So I'll just talk
about my cookies.
Veronica Kilvere: OK.
Jeannie Fukal: OK, these are my dark-chocolate mud
bars, OK?[Shows plate with cookies]And these won me
the Duncan Hines Bake Off.[Shows crappy trophy in the
shape of an oven mitt holding a batter utensil]They
won me these trophy and $4,000.[Veronica and Jeannie
Veronica Kilvere: I feel so lucky because all I have
to do is put on a bikini, be the bomb and I'm making
something which is like hundreds of thousands of
dollars![Cracks herself up]Which is awesome!!
Jeannie Fukal: Well, you must need a very big coin
Veronica Kilvere: Definitely![More hard laughs]So, who
else would like to ask question or say something on my
[Dumb blonde all giddy]
Dr. Marshall Reames: I will.
Veronica Kilvere: OK![Giggles]
Dr. Marshall Reames: You're so funny! You're so g.d.
hilarious! I love this woman![claps]
Veronica Kilvere: Dr. Reames, tell us about Women's
Clinic which you founded.
Dr. Marshall Reames: You're doing a bit, right? That's
hilarious! That's great![laughs]
Veronica Kilvere: No, seriously doctor. I want to know
about you're job.
Dr. Marshall Reames:[serious]I'm not a doctor. I'm an
actor.[laughs]You're so....[confused look on
Veronica]Yeah, its the series, you know "Gideons
Crossing". I play a ladies doctor and then you know,
in real life I play doctor with the ladies.
Veronica Kilvere: Oh, my God![laughs]I can't believe
this because I thought you were a real doctor because
you have exam table in your apartment![They both
Dr. Marshall Reames: I checked her out! She's really
Veronica Kilvere: Why do want to be fake doctor?[Dumb
blonde is confused, can't believe the question] Why do
you want to be fake doctor?
Dr. Marshall Reames: Seriously? Well, I'm an actor, so
like if I play a gynecologist, so if I tell women that
I am like a gynecologist sometimes, like you, they
Veronica Kilvere: And believe me they do. Because he
has stirrups and everything![laughs hard]
Dr. Marshall Reames: What can I say? Acting is my
gig![happy as can be]
Veronica Kilvere: Doctor, I like acting too. I did a
part in a movie and the line goes like this, uh, "Hey
Carlos, we will seat here all day until you admit that
you swallowed a condom of cocaine".
Jeannie Fukal: Oh, wow!
Dr. Marshall Reames: That's amazing![claps]
Veronica Kilvere: Thank you.[little bow;laughs]And now
to top it off on my show "Veronica and Company" the
amazing silver robot which is Kevin Aquarius from
Times Squares[Kevin makes victory sign]Kevin show us
why you deserve quarter in a cup.
[Dance music plays. Kevin does very good robotic dance moves]
Veronica Kilvere: I love this!
Jeannie Fukal: How does he do that?
Veronica Kilvere: I love it. It's great. So
[Kevin bows, everyone applauds]
Veronica Kilvere: Oh, he's awesome!, he's awesome!
Jeannie Fukal: Wow!
Veronica Kilvere: Here, Kevin Aquarius have a cookie
please?[gives Kevin cookie from Jeanie's plate; Kevin
eats it]Oh, my gosh! Kevin, do you have anything else
to say on my show?
[Kevin is seriously choking, pulls out little card
from his sleeve, gives it to Veronica]
Veronica Kilvere: What? Oh, my gosh! I'll take a
look.[reads little card]"This food contains peanuts. I
have severe nut allergy. Please call a
doctor"[laughs]Well, luckily we have doctor in the
Dr. Marshall Reames: No, you don't.[concerned laugh]
Veronica Kilvere: Oh, that's right! I don't. OK, well
that's the end of our show, you guys! Thank you so
much for joining here on "Veronica & Company" Join me
next week when my guest will talk about subjects which
are politics, how to buy purse, and at least 15 other
things on "Veronica and Company". Let's work it till
the cows come home, you guys. Veronica.
[Techno music plays. Veronica struts down the catwalk,
poses. Jeannie dances badly, dumb blonde just stares
with dumb grin on his face, Kevin is still choking,
grabs his neck]
[Veronica & Co. logo]
[Cheers and Applause]
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel