Air Date: Host: Musical Guest: Special Guests: Cameos: Bit Players:

March 10th, 2001 Conan O'Brien Don Henley None Max Weinburg Becky Weinburg Ben Affleck Scott Wainio

A Message From the President of the United States

Summary: President George W. Bush (Will Ferrell) Bush announces his new worry-free attitude. Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush. Transcript

Montage

Conan O'Brien's Monologue

Summary: Conan O'Brien shows clips of his writer's cameo appearances from the 80's, then takes Tract Morgan and a paramedic (Scott Wainio) downstairs for a tour of his talk show studio. Transcript

Subshack

Summary: If you're losing weight too fast, take a walk with Jared Fogel (Jimmy Fallon) to Subshack to put the pounds back on. Transcript

Cumberland Farms

Summary: With a little help from Eric Pearson (Conan O'Brien) and a fake moustache, Sully (Jimmy Fallon) and Denise (Rachel Dratch) score some beer. Note: Ben Affleck's character did not appear in the dress rehearsal. Recurring Characters: Sully, Denise, Frank, Donny Bartalotti. Transcript

Moleculo: The Molecular Man

Summary: Superhero Moleculo (Conan O'Brien) gives himself away by repeating his catch-phrase while assuming his mild-mannered disguise. Transcript

Napster Hearings

Summary: Not only is Right Said Fred (Conan O'Brien) seeking copyright protection, he would also like a little something to eat. Recurring Characters: Trent Lott, David Lee Roth. Transcript

Don Henley performs "Everything Is Different Now"

Also Performed: 89d.

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey

Note: Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey perform "Weekend Update" without any guest commentaries. Transcript

Taint-less Ted

Summary: A doctor (Conan O'Brien) informs patient Ted Brown (Horatio Sanz) that he's lost his "taint". Transcript

TV Funhouse

Summary: Rob Smigel invites viewers to "Find the Black People At The Knicks Game."

VH-1 Diva-thon

Summary: Diva Deandra Wells (Ana Gasteyer) causes a ruckus among the members of her back-up band. Recurring Characters: Deandra Wells, Grodon Davis, Alan "Sticks" McRae, Donny Gordon, Lynda Lopez.

Democratic National Committee

Summary: Marc Rich (Chris Kattan) discusses his financial woes.

Don Henley performs "The Heart Of The Matter"

Note: When NBC reran the episode, this performance was replaced by a DeMarco Brothers sketch cut from dress rehearsal.

Sports Century

Summary: Early 20th Century boxer James "The Gentlemen Masher" Corcoran (Conan O'Brien) excelled at his sport until he agreed to spar with black competitors. Transcript

Goodnights

Transcript

Dress Rehearsal Cuts

DeMarco Brothers

Summary: Kyle DeMarco (Chris Kattan), Sean DeMarco (Chris Parnell) and their cousin (Conan O'Brien) audition for Don Henley. Recurring Characters: Kyle DeMarco, Sean DeMarco. Note: This sketch aired in place of Don Henley's second performance when the episode reran.