Der Lacheln Beherrscht
Herr Gracken.....Will Ferrell
Herr Doktor.....Horatio Sanz
Announcer: You're watching Nickelodeon! Coming up: it's a double dose of "Blues Clues" at 9!
But right now, stay tuned for the new hit show, straight from Germany's Kinder Funnan Network - it's
time for "Der Lachlen Beherrscht", "The Smile Masters"!
Herr Gracken: Gud morgen!
Olaus: Schnell! Schnell! Schnell!
[ cut to bizarre opening credits sequence ]
[ open on Herr Gracken hammering a nail into a board ]
Olaus: [ subtitles: "Mr. Gracken! We have new American children watching." ]
Herr Gracken: [ subtitles: "Then we will wound them with good cheer!" ]
[ they approach the kids in the studio audience, in a studio surrounded by meat hanging on racks ]
Olaus: Gud morning, kinder! We think you have not known true happiness before this
date! Shall we evacorate?
Herr Gracken: Olaus! Achtung! Achtung!
Olaus: Would any of you like a good treat?
Kid: I want some candy!
Olaus: Non! We have coffee and radishes!
[ Herr Dokter brings in coffee and radishes and yells at the kids ]
[ Herr Gracken and Olaus introduce the Science Lesson, as a skeleton drops down and starts singing
"I'm Inside of Every One of You!" ]
Herr Gracken: [ subtitles: "Next week we learn about teeth!" ]
Hulga: [ cracks whip at Herr Gracken ] Now we learn about isolation.
Together: Schnell! Schnell!
Hulga: [ before tray of three objects ] Which of these objects does not belong? A corkscrew..
an ear.. justice. [ points to kid in audience ] You! [ subtitle: "Answer correctly!" ]
Kid: [ scared ] Justice?
Hulga: [ subtitle: "It was the ear!" ]
Herr Gracken: [ pounds ear with his hammer ] Now you wear the Armor of Knowledge!
Blue Man: [ subtitle: I am sorry! So very, very sorry!" ]
Herr Dokter: It's time to learn.. how to behave.. at funeraaaalllss!
[ Herr Gracken and Olaus wheel a coffin in front of the frightened kids, as the corpse rises and
shakes his hands at the kids; they run out of the studio in fear ]
All: Schnell! Schnell! Schnell!!
Announcer: "The Smile Masters" has been cancelled. Nickelodeon will be settling out of
court with the family of any child who saw this. Now, stay tuned for "Blue's Clues"! Once again..