Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 26: Episode 16

This free script provided by

Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

April 7th, 2001

Alec Baldwin



Kid Rock

David Spade


A Message From the President of the United States
Summary: President George W. Bush (Will Ferrell) delivers a list of his orders to China.

Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush.



Alec Baldwin's Monologue
Summary: Bill Clinton (Darrell Hammond) gives now-single Alec Baldwin some pointers on meeting women.

Recurring Characters: Bill Clinton.

Reliable Investments
Summary: While advising an investor (Ana Gasteyer) on recent Wall Street woes, a broker (Alec Baldwin) jumps to his death.


Delicious Dish
Summary: Pete Schweddy (Alec Baldwin) discusses his new ball park weiner business with Margaret Jo McCullen (Ana Gasteyer) and new co-anchor Lynn Bershad (Rachel Dratch).

Recurring Characters: Margaret Jo McCullen, Pete Schweddy.


Tough Guy
Summary: Sgt. Jack Wilcox (Alec Baldwin) lets his fellow soldiers knows that he's ready to take on the Chinese single-handedly.


Inside the Actors Studio
Summary: Charles Nelson Reilly (Alec Baldwin) receives the royal treatment from James Lipton (Will Ferrell).

Recurring Characters: James Lipton.


Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey
Summary: Tracy Morgan discusses what happened with Daryl Strawberry. Jimmy Fallon delivers "I Have An Opinion" International. Tina Fey delivers a rant against Hugh Hefner's girlfriends. Kid Rock and David Spade present the latest Hollywood Minute news.


Coldplay performs "Yellow"

Red Ships of Spain
Summary: Robert Goulet (Will Ferrell) and his brothers Wes (Chris Parnell) and Ken (Alec Baldwin) star together in a new musical.

Recurring Characters: Robert Goulet.


The Bush Tax Cut
Summary: Tom Daschle (Chris Kattan) and Richard Gephardt (Darrell Hammond) ruin a press conference while discussing the Bush tax cut.

Recurring Characters: Richard Gephardt.

Lasting Impressions
Summary: Artists Tony Villone (Alec Baldwin) and Ricky (Jimmy Fallon) show how to add a touch of class to photos by painting them inside of a brandy snifter.


Coldplay performs "Don't Panic"



Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Terrence Maddox
Summary: Terrence Maddox (Will Ferrell) and fellow vagrant Sebastian Clay (Alec Baldwin) compete to be the subjects of a Black & White photograpy class.

Recurring Characters: Terrance Maddox.


SNL Transcripts

| Time Warner Cable | Cable TV Providers | Charter Cable