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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 26: Episode 16




Lingerie.com



00p: Alec Baldwin / Coldplay

Lasting Impressions

Joey.....Horatio Sanz
Ana.....Ana Gasteyer
Tony Villone.....Alec Baldwin
Aunt Vickie.....Rachel Dratch
Ricky Villone.....Jimmy Fallon

Ana: Hey, Joey! What are we gonna do? Aunt Vickie's coming over, and the only professional picture we have of little Sheila is horrible and boring!

Joey: [ grabs the hideous picture ] What freakin' jackass took this picture anyway?!

[ Tony Villone enters the picture ]

Tony Villone: Does an old picture you got not live up to your expectations? Then get a load of this:

[ boring picture of little girl is transformed to within a brandy snifter ]

Ana: Oh, my God! It's stunning! It makes a whole world of difference!

Tony Villone: Hey, yo, I'm Tony Villone, owner of Lasting Impressions. Through the wizardry of computer technology, I can take any picture you got and stuff it into a brandy snifter. Why not take that extra step to make your favorite pictures pop with class and have top-of-the-line no-joke excellence. Take a look at this:

[ picture of cat shown, then transformed ]

Your favorite cat.. in a brandy snifter!

[ picture of Senior Prom shown, then transformed ]

Senior Prom.. in a brandy snifter!

[ picture of Billy Crystal shown, then transformed ]

Somebody famous.. in a brandy snifter!

[ picture of black baby shown, then transformed ]

A black baby.. in a brandy snifter!

[ Tony holds up portrait ]

And my personal favorite: a brandy snifter.. inside a brandy snifter. Kinda hard to wrap your brain around this one, huh? Just imagine how impressed your relatives will be, once you kick up the class an extra notch or two.

[ doorbell rings ]

Aunt Vickie: Hi! [ enters, hugs family, then notices portrait ] Holy crap! Little Sheila in a brandy snifter! How elegant! You kids really know how to do it up!

Ana: With the help of Lasting Impressions! Thanks, Tony!

Tony Villone: Ay, don't thank me. Thank my cousin, Ricky, the artist. Come out here, Ricky!

Ricky Villone: [ steps out ] How ya' doing? I take a great deal of pride and craftsmanship in each and every one of my brandy snifter creations.

Tony Villone: For an extra $14, Ricky can put a rose on top of the brandy snifter. Ain't that right, Ricky?

Ricky Villone: I can do that!

[ show portrait in a brandy snifter with a rose on top ]

Tony Villone: Hey! How slick is that? It's gorgeous. Call me, Tony Villone, of Lasting Impressions, for in-your-face elegance - and that's no joke!

[ Tony and Ricky pose, then appear in a brandy snifter portrait themselves ]

Announcer: Lasting Impressions has closed all of their downtown locations.


SNL Transcripts