Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 27: Episode 2




01b: Seann William Scott / Sum41

The How Do You Say? Ah Yes, Show

Antonio Banderas.....Chris Kattan
Paula Zahn.....Amy Poehler
Guitar Guy 1.....Jimmy Fallon

Antonio Banderas: Hello.I'm Antonio Banderas. I am-actor. Welcome to the-- How do say?-- ah yes- show. This is my first show back, in several weeks.When the network asked me to come back to work, i did not know how to do the response.and with all this crazy stuff going around and trying to catch the evil, evil Dalai lama-- In my head i think to myself how can i be this sexy?. I look the sexy, but i don't feel the sexy.

Guitar guy 1: Sexy, you are sexy my friend, you are so the sexy. Guitar guy 2>Completely sexy.

Antonio Banderas: This is true. But before - before we continues, i must get together something off my very, very sexy chest.-- I am not a military coup.But i know from playing the Zorro's, that Zorro's always believed that you look your enemy in the eye, you wear a mask, but you look in the eye and you make a "Z", and you wqear a black blouse and a cape. This is what you must do.

Guitar guy1: Very sexy.

Antonio Banderas: Si. But for now we are going to change the show a little bit. We are going to talk to the peoples who do the hard news. Please welcome from the CNN-N-N-N-N news, The Paul Zahn. (Antonio Banderas stands up)

Antonio Banderas: Thank you for coming on this very not-sexy episode of me.

Paula Zahn: It's a pleasure Antonio.

Antonio Banderas: No, Please, Thank You. Now i've been doing the research here for this thing. I read a -- How do you say?-- ah yes-- Book. I also rented the "Rambo 2", the "Private Benjamin", the "Kramer versus Kramer", "The Goonies" and "Zorro" for refreshment.

Antonio Banderas: (raises his hand) Question.

Paula Zahn: Ah, yes.

Antonio Banderas: How would you catch this terrible, terrible Dalai Lamas?

Paula Zahn: Well, Antonio I don't believe you're thinking of the Dalai Lama, but the fact is, this is going to be a long-term process. The military has been in---

Antonio Banderas: Wait a minutes here, hold your phones. I can't help but notice your short skirt barely concealing your friendly wolf blitzers.

Paula Zahn: What are you talking about?

Antonio Banderas: I think i'm feeling the sexy.It's getting hot in here, no?

Guitar guy 1: No, no don't do it, it's too sexy my friend, don't do it.

Antonio Banderas: You're right, it's not time for a sexy

Paula Zahn: Now Donald Rumsfeld said..

Antonio Banderas: (stands up) But i must! (Opens his shirt)Ha!

Antonio Banderas: I'm sorry . Let's talk about this. How do you say? oops. (Drops a book on the floor), I'm sorry could you please possibly pick that up for me?

Paula Zahn: Sure, I'll get that for you.(stands up, and bends)

Antonio Banderas: Thank you very much. Freeze. Let me just take a mental polaroid of you. Click!, zzzzzch, ah, it came out to blury. One more.

Paula Zahn: (stands up) Did you just take a picture of my ass?. i am a journalist. Im a CNN anchor. I deal with Power Breakers and Dignitaries everyday. If i wanna be treated like a blonde piece of meat then i should have stayed at Fox News. You are ill-informed, sweaty and you stink like astro-glide and aftershave.

Antonio Banderas: (smiles) hahaha. It is very hot in here ,no?

Guitar guy 1: No, No, don't do it , it's too sexy, not today, manana,manana,not today

Antonio Banderas: Are you sure?, Not today?, Today?

Guitar guy 1: Please. There are children at home.

Antonio Banderas: But I must (takes off his shirt)(grabs Paula and hugs her)- Now is the time I give you 2 minutes and i give you the sex.

Paula Zahn: Freak!

Antonio Banderas: But I rented "The Goonies"! (Paula kicks Antonio)- I think i just coughed up my nards.

Guitar guy1: Cough up your nards, too sexy my friend, you're too sexy.

Antonio Banderas: She'll be back. For Paula Zahn, she's like the Laverne, and I.. I'm like a Shirley. And together we will Schlemizl, Schlamazels and then we will have the sex incorporated, but you know what I'm saying. We will see you next time on the-- How do you say?-- ah yes!. Show.


Submitted by: Mayra


SNL Transcripts