01c: Drew Barrymore / Macy Gray
First Liberty Savings Bank
James Whiteside IV…..Will Ferrell
Voice over: The following is an important announcement from The First Liberty Savings bank.
James Whiteside IV: Hello Im James Whiteside the fourth, President of First Liberty Savings Bank. This week after 85 years of continuous operation, our bank is finally closing its doors. Its a sad event for the First Liberty family, but for our customers, a tremendous opportunity. You see our drawers and vaults are literally stuffed with United States currency and by 5pm Friday, every item must go!
Like these, twenty dollar bills, list price twenty dollars each, now just 17.95. Or these, fifty dollar bills. This week only 37.25. If youre interested in one hundred dollar bills, weve got them too, three for 65 dollars.
As you can imagine this is not easy for me. My Great-Grandfather founded this bank in 1916 and to watch it go out of business is breaking my heart. But there is nothing I can do about it. Weve lost our lease and weve got to be out by Saturday so J-Crew can come in. Now let me ask you a question. Have you ever thought of owning a thousand dollar bill? Well do you have 175 dollars? How bout 17 dollars and 50 cents. You heard me, 10 percent down, pay the rest when you can.
You know, when my father stepped down as bank president I tried to tellhim, Im not the guy! Lets go outside the company. There are morequalified people out there. Im not good at this! But it was like I was speaking another language. Jamie, he said, its what youve always wanted, NO DAD, Its what YOUVE always wanted for me, but Im not you, Im ME and you cant live my life for ME! Only I can live my life, NOT YOU! Maybe now Dad, you understand that!
(looks down sadly, then looks up and continues as if nothing had happened)
This is the 1907 U.S. twenty dollar gold piece, considered by many to be the most beautiful coin ever made. I found a bunch of these down in the basement, three dollars a box. Weve also got forty tons of mintcondition quarters, halves and silver dollars, there in the dumpster out back with the stock certificates. Lets see, what else, uh, plenty of parking, free face painting for the kids. Thats about it.Oh, and Im gay, (sarcastically) sorry Dad.
Voice over: the First liberty Savings Bank Liquidation Sale, doors openMonday 9 am.
Thanks to Jamie for this transcript!
