01c: Drew Barrymore / Macy Gray

First Liberty Savings Bank

James Whiteside IV.....Will Ferrell



Voice over: The following is an important announcement from The First Liberty Savings bank.

James Whiteside IV: Hello Iím James Whiteside the fourth, President of First Liberty Savings Bank. This week after 85 years of continuous operation, our bank is finally closing its doors. Itís a sad event for the First Liberty family, but for our customers, a tremendous opportunity. You see our drawers and vaults are literally stuffed with United States currency and by 5pm Friday, every item must go!

Like these, twenty dollar bills, list price twenty dollars each, now just 17.95. Or these, fifty dollar bills. This week only 37.25. If youíre interested in one hundred dollar bills, weíve got them too, three for 65 dollars.

As you can imagine this is not easy for me. My Great-Grandfather founded this bank in 1916 and to watch it go out of business is breaking my heart. But there is nothing I can do about it. Weíve lost our lease and weíve got to be out by Saturday so J-Crew can come in. Now let me ask you a question. Have you ever thought of owning a thousand dollar bill? Well do you have 175 dollars? How bout 17 dollars and 50 cents. You heard me, 10 percent down, pay the rest when you can.

You know, when my father stepped down as bank president I tried to tell him, Iím not the guy! Letís go outside the company. There are more qualified people out there. Iím not good at this! But it was like I was speaking another language. ďJamie,Ē he said, ďitís what youíve always wanted,Ē NO DAD, Itís what YOUíVE always wanted for me, but Iím not you, Iím ME and you canít live my life for ME! Only I can live my life, NOT YOU! Maybe now Dad, you understand that!

(looks down sadly, then looks up and continues as if nothing had happened)

This is the 1907 U.S. twenty dollar gold piece, considered by many to be the most beautiful coin ever made. I found a bunch of these down in the basement, three dollars a box. Weíve also got forty tons of mint condition quarters, halves and silver dollars, there in the dumpster out back with the stock certificates. Letís see, what else, uh, plenty of parking, free face painting for the kids. Thatís about it. Oh, and Iím gay, (sarcastically) sorry Dad.

Voice over: the First liberty Savings Bank Liquidation Sale, doors open Monday 9 am.


Thanks to Jamie for this transcript!


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