Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 27: Episode 4




01d: John Goodman / Ja Rule

EPT Home Pregnancy Test

Senior.....Seth Meyers
Co-ed.....Amy Poehler

[ open on Senior and Co-ed sitting on couch, talking to the camera ]

Co-ed: I'm pretty anxious about it.

Senior: Me, too.

[ SUPER: "These are real people - not actors - about to find out if they're having a baby" ]

Senior: I think I'm more nervous than Karen.

Co-ed: Kelly.

Senior: Kelly.

Co-ed: We met two weeks ago. At a bar.

Senior: Playing darts. [ nervous, sees her sweatshirt ] Do you go to Michigan?

Co-ed: My boyfriend does. [ sighs ] I, uh.. I think it's gonna be okay, I -

[ cell phone rings, he answers it ]

Senior: Stradley? Hey! Uh.. Curt Warner, and Randy Moss..

Co-ed: Could we.. focus on this?

Senior: Later. [ hangs up ] Sorry. I'm missing my fantasy football draft. This isn't a good time, with finals and everything..

Co-ed: Yeah. I've got Dave Matthews tickets in January.

Senior: Cool!

Co-ed: Yeah.

Senior: I think I can do this. You know, fatherhood is gonna be different, but -

Co-ed: [ holding the pregnancy test in her hand ] Oh, God, I'm not pregnant!

Senior: Oh! Awesome, awesome!

Together: Yay!!

Senior: [ leans over, almost for a kiss ] Uh.. my jacket. [ grabs jacket next to co-ed ] So, uh.. I'll call you?

Co-ed: That's okay. You don't have to.

[ show product ]

Co-ed: I'm so psyched I'm not gonna get fat!

[ fade to black ]


SNL Transcripts