Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 27: Episode 4





01d: John Goodman / Ja Rule

Hudson Valley Community Circuit

Dr. Keith Vester.....Dan Aykroyd
Al Gezzera.....Horatio Sanz
Sheila Kyda.....Ana Gasteyer
Al Kyda.....Will Ferrell
Tallulah Bands.....Rachel Dratch
Tony.....Dean Edwards
Ron.....Jimmy Fallon
Samuel L. Freelock.....Darrell Hammond

Dr. Keith Vester: Good evening, and welcome to Hudson Valley Community Circuit. I'm Dr. Keith Vester. Today, we have with us some people from the region who claim they are suffering a serious erosion in their business since the attack on our country. Hello. [ everyone says hello ] So, what town in the valley are you all from?

Al Kyda: Mt. Arab.

Dr. Keith Vester: [ pause ] Alright. And who are you, sir?

Al Gezzera: Al.

Dr. Keith Vester: Al..?

Al Gezzera: My name is Al Gezzera. I'm President of Al Gezzera Dodge-Plymouth Misubishi.

Dr. Keith Vester: You're an auto dealer?

Al Gezzera: Not after 2 AM tomorrow morning. When the country receiver repossesses my stock of cars.

Dr. Keith Vester: Out of business. You haven't sold a car all month. And, you folks?

Sheila Kyda: Sheila and Al Kyda.

Al Kyda: Kyda. I'm actually third-generation Czech-American.

Dr. Keith Vester: So, Sheila and Al Kyda. And you do business as?

Sheila Kyda: The Kyda Trading Network.

Dr. Keith Vester: And you're having trouble selling..?

Al Kyda: Used Persian rugs.

Dr. Keith Vester: [ turns to other side ] And your name?

Tallulah Bands: Tallulah Michelle Bands - my friends call me Tally!

Dr. Keith Vester: Business?

Tallulah Bands: Tally Bands Candy & Cakes!

Dr. Keith Vester: No sale?

Tallulah Bands: Well, uh.. my partner is offering to buy me out.

Dr. Keith Vester: And what's her name?

Tallulah Bands: Kathy Ann McKenna.

Dr. Keith Vester: She'll probably do okay. [ looks at young men seated next to her ] And, uh.. you two. What's the story?

Tony: Yeah, I'm Tony, this is Ron. We're dealers.

Dr. Keith Vester: [ confused ] In what?

Tony & Ron: Afghan hash!

Dr. Keith Vester: And you're out of business, too?

Ron: Oh, no, no, no! Actually, we're doing great, and supply is tight and prices are up. We got a couple bricks from our summer tour to Kabul, so we're set!

Tony: Yeah, yeah. We just came to help out.

Ron: We gave a ride over here to Al Gezzera, and Sheila and Al Kyda, Tally Bands in our new Lincoln Blackwood.

Dr. Keith Vester: And, over here to my right?

Samuel L. Freelock: Yes, sir! My name is Samuel L. Freelock! But like Charles Durning, I'm only 52, but I look 70, so everyone calls me Old Sammy!

Dr. Keith Vester: Old Sammy?

Samuel L. Freelock: Yes, sir!

Dr. Keith Vester: And, might I inquire, sir, what is the nature of your business?

Samuel L. Freelock: Well, I manufacture custom-made scoops for the bulk retail cereal and confections trade! Yes, I do!

Dr. Keith Vester: And.. the name of your company?

Samuel L. Freelock: Old Sammy's Bin Ladles! [ chortles ]

Al Gezzera: Uh.. please.. I'd like everyone to know the spelling of my name is G-E-Z-Z, I don't have the word "gizz" in my last name.

Tallulah Bands: He's been saying that since high school! [ laughs ]

Dr. Keith Vester: We've been talking with some people from Mt. Arab, New York. Up next, we'll be diping in the valley mailbag. Let's see.. [ grabs letter ] ..here's one from Mark Albert Lechman. He writes us from the Pennsylvania region, from the historic coal-mining town of Anthracite. [ opens letter, spilling white powder ]

[ the guests run from the studio ]

[ fade ]


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