01i: Ellen Degeneres / No Doubt

Family Vacation

Mom.....Ellen Degeneres
Dad.....Will Ferrell
Daughter.....Rachel Dratch
Son.....Jimmy Fallon



[ open on family in car, driving to a Christmas vacation ]

Mom: Hmm.. this was such a good idea.

Dad: Well, you know, I thought everyone was feeling tense. Why not just get out of the city and enjoy?

Mom: I can feel it. The further away we get from the city, the more my stress just melts off.

Son: Pretty cool, Dad!

Daughter: Yeah, this is gonna be fun!

Dad: Hey, the Jurnsbachs get to have fun every once in a while, right?

Kids: Jurnsbachs!!

Mom: Larry didn't mind you taking the week off?

Dad: No, no, he wasn't happy about it, but what the hell? I've got eight weeks of vacation - I've gotta use it sometime, right?

Mom: It's true. I can hardly wait 'til we get there, I'm hitting the slopes right away.

Daughter: Me, too!

Mom: [ thinking suddenly ] You turned off the coffee, didn't you?

[ thrilling musical fanfare, as coffee pot is shown dripping ]

Dad: Yep.. I think I did..

[ show coffee pot dripping ]

Dad: I'm sure I did.

Mom: I know you did. Of course you did!

Dad: I did!

Mom: Good!

Dad: [ thinking ] You locked the back door, right?

[ thrilling musical fanfare, as back door is shown wide open ]

Mom: I thought you locked it?

[ show back door wide open ]

Dad: No.. I locked the front door - you said you had the back door.

[ show back door wide open ]

Mom: I probably locked it.

Dad: I know you did.

Son: You guys worry too much!

Dad: [ playfully ] Hey, when you get a house and a hefty mortgage, you'll worry, too!

[ Son laughs and plays with Dad's ears, but is swatted at ]

Mom: That's right, kiddo! [ joking ] I hope you turned off all those toys of yours!

[ thrilling musical fanfare, as dinosaur toy is shown walking about the kids' room ]

Son: Duh! Like I would ever leave my toys on!

Daughter: Mom! He left his dinosaur on!

Son: No! No! No!

[ show dinosaur toy walking about the room ]

Mom: Enough! Enough! It doesn't matter - the batteries will probably run out.. it's not a problem.

Dad: I left the sink running.

[ thrilling musical fanfare, as sink is shown running full blast ]

Dad: Just kidding!

Mom: [ laughing along ] Huh! Don't do that to me! you scared the crap out of me!

Dad: I actually might have left it on..

[ show sink running full blast ]

Dad: I did!

Mom: [ suddenly tense ] What? What are you saying?

Dad: I-I left the water running.. I did!

Mom: Well, don't tell me that!

Dad: I can't help it! I now remember..

Daughter: Mommy, what's happening?!

Mom: Oh, my God! The whole house is flooding!

Daughter: Mommy!!

Mom: I'm having.. I'm having trouble breathing!

Dad: I left everything on! The sink..

[ show sink running full blast ]

Dad: ..the coffeepot..

[ show coffeepot dripping ]

Dad: ..I left the door open..

[ show door open ]

Dad: And the dinosaur!

[ show toy dinosaur walking around the room ]

Dad: That does it! I'm turning this car around!

[ car turns around quickly, tires screeching ]

Mom: Gun it! We gotta get home!

Son: Dad!!

Dad: Shut up!! I left the oven on!!

[ show oven on ]

Mom: I left the burners on!!

[ show burners on ]

Dad: I left a fire in the fireplace!

[ show fireplace burning ]

Son: Mom! Dad! Mom!

Dad: Shut up!!

Mom: I left a radio in the bathtub!

[ show radio submerged in bathtub water ]

Dad: I left two cans of gas in the sun under a magnifiyng glass!

[ show two cans of gas under magnifying glass in the sun ]

Mom: I left an iron on a stack of newspapers!

[ show iron on stack of newspapers ]

Dad: The whole house is on fire!!

[ show house burning ]

Mom: [ grabbing at steering wheel ] We gotta get home faster!!

Son: Mom!! Mo-o-o-o-om!!

[ car falls over cliff ]

Son: Mom!! Dad!!

[ family is shown inside car, as background creates illusion they are still falling over the cliff ]

Dad: What?!!

Son: I turned everything off!!

Dad: You did?!

Son: Yeah! Everything's fine!

Mom: Oh. that's a relief..

[ car finally crashes and explodes at bottom of cliff ]

[ fade ]


SNL Transcripts