01j: Josh Hartnett / Pink

Josh Hartnett's Monologue

.....Josh Hartnett
.....Jimmy Fallon

Josh Hartnett: Thank you, thanks for coming along you guys. Thanks, thank you. Thanks a lot yeah, alright... no no no, it's okay, it's okay. Thanks a lot you guys.

Hi, I'm Josh Hartnett. Well, you know what? I know you guys are probably expecting to see the same old Josh Hartnett stuff tonight, but... you're in for a big surprise... because I'm not gonna be the Josh Hartnett that you're used to seeing, alright?

Jimmy Fallon: Josh, Josh, Josh! Can I talk to you for a second?

Josh Hartnett: Yeah… Jimmy, what are you doing? I'm kind of in the middle of something…

Jimmy Fallon: What are you doing? What are you doing?

Josh Hartnett: What do you mean? What are you talking about? I'm being the new Josh Hartnett, you know, I think people are kinda sick of the old Josh Hartnett.

Jimmy Fallon: No, not, not, not a good idea.

Josh Hartnett: Well, I'm trying to think outside of the Josh Hartnett box.

Jimmy Fallon: Not cool man! Not cool!

Josh Hartnett: Okay…well, how would you know about that anyway?

Jimmy Fallon: I did it already…I became the new Jimmy Fallon.

Josh Hartnett: What are you talking about? When did you do this?

Jimmy Fallon: This was way back…in 2000…

Josh Hartnett: Oh…

Jimmy Fallon: Things were different back then.

Josh Hartnett: I remember that. Jimmy Fallon: Yeah, I mean, you gotta remember this was a long time ago. This was back before they had iPods, you know… This is back when cell phones… now they're this big… back then they were this big. I tried to be the new Jimmy Fallon but I was young. I trusted the wrong people… I don't know, take a look…

(shows a picture of Jimmy with a mustache and shorts)

Josh Hartnett: That's… that's not good man.

Jimmy Fallon: Yeah… I, I know…

Josh Hartnett: I mean, that's pretty bad.

Jimmy Fallon: Yeah, yeah, I know.

Josh Hartnett: I mean… I really can't believe you still work here…

Jimmy Fallon: Hey, let it go! Alright? Look, my point is that not everybody is tired of the old Josh Hartnett.

Josh Hartnett: Really?

Jimmy Fallon: Yeah, yeah…

Josh Hartnett: Are you… you're not tired of the old Josh Hartnett?

Jimmy Fallon: I've been working with you all week, I'm a little tired of the old Josh Hartnett.

Josh Hartnett: Well, did you use to like the old Josh Hartnett?

Jimmy Fallon: Yeah, the new Jimmy Fallon… he really, really, really liked… almost too much. I mean, do I have to show you the picture again?… It was too much.

(shows the picture again)

Josh Hartnett: Yeah, well thanks Jimmy, thanks a lot man.

Jimmy Fallon: You're welcome.

Josh Hartnett: Do you wanna stick around for the rest of this or…

Jimmy Fallon: No, I gotta go…

Josh Hartnett: Alright man… Jimmy Fallon.

Well, We do have a great show for you guys tonight. The old Josh Hartnett is here. Pink is here! Stick around, we'll be right back!

Thanks to Tal Horwitz for this transcript!

SNL Transcripts