01l: Britney Spears
Leather Man....Jimmy Fallon
Hot Blonde....Britney Spears
Judge Lindenwell....Dan Aykroyd
Leather Dad....Will Ferrell
Leather Mom....Ana Gestayer
[Opens with The Leather Man Shop, cuts to the inside.
Everything leather in there. A hot blonde walks in,
checks out the merchandise. The Leather Man is
standing behind his counter. He is dressed in an all
black leather suit and tie combo, buzzcut haircut,
Leather Man: Hello. Welcome to The Leather Man. Can I
get you into some leather?
Hot Blonde: Oh, no. I'm just looking. You have a nice store.
Leather Man: Yes, if you like leather. But I don't
like leather. I love leather. He, he, he those pants
are 100% beautiful and 100% you and 100% leather. Trust me.
[Comes from behind the counter, his leather outfit
creaks loudly. The blonde picks a pair of leather pants]
Hot Blonde: Um, I like this pants right here. Do you
have this in my size?
Leather Man: Mmmm...[puts hand on chin, thinking,
leather creaks]I don't see them here.[bends over a
rack of leather clothing, leather creaks]Perhaps in
the back. Choo-Choo!
[Choo-Choo is an overweight dimwitted man in a leather
apron, he comes bopping side to side]
Choo-Choo: Yes, Leather Man?
Leather Man: This very beautiful young woman would
like to try some size---[bends, leather creaks]size 6 pants.
Choo-Choo: Size 6?
Leather Man: Choo-Choo![Smack! whips Choo-Choo in the chest]
Choo-Choo: Aiiiiiii!!!, aaaahaaaa! Good whip.[leaves]
[Jimmy tries not to laugh]
Leather Man: These pants will fit you like a glove.
They're made completely out of elephant ear.
Sumptuous. [leather creaks]
Hot Blonde: Elephant ear?
Leather Man: Yeah, it's very breathable. They keep the
hot side hot and the cool side cool.[makes dance
moves, leather creaks. Choo-Choo arrives with the
pants]Thank you, Choo-Choo. I'll take it from here.
Adios, amigos. Right this way.
[Choo-Choo leaves, his leather creaking too, Leather
Man locks arms with and takes the hot blonde into the
fitting rooms stalls. She goes in, Leather Man stands guard]
Leather Man: There's nothing to hide when you wear
leather. It's like a second skin.
[Choo-Choo is sneaking a peek into the blonde's stall]
Leather Man: Choo-Choo![Smack! Whips Choo-Choo in the face]
Leather Man: Eventually you feel like you're buck
naked, you learn to love it, it makes you feel kind
of---[Leather Man's enthusiastic explanation is with a
lot of hand movement and moving his torso so the
leather creaking drowns out his voice]----just over
here....right up----[more creaking, then stops]....if
that's what you want.
Hot Blonde: What did you say?
Leather Man: It's not important. Leather is important.
Just try it on.
[A middle-age biker all in leather walks into the shop]
Leather Man: My, my,my Judge Lindenwell!
Judge Lindenwell: Leather Man!
[They hug and the leather creaking is intense]
Leather Man: How did those Edwardian boots work out?
Judge Lindenwell: Oh, they are beautiful. I never
should have doubted you.
Leather Man: Well, I know my leather. What can I do for you today?
Judge Lindenwell: I'm compelled to buy a wedding
present for my mother.
Leather Man: Well, is she registered here?
Judge Lindenwell: Of course.
Leather Man: Choo-Choo![Choo-Choo hops back in]Take
Judge Lindenwell to the bridal registry.
[Smack!Leather Man whips Choo-Choo in the belly]
Choo-Choo: Aiiiiiiiii!!!,[Smack! second
whiping]yiyiyiyiyiyyaaaaaaahhhh!!!! Right this way,
sir.[takes the judge to the counter. The judge opens
leather-bound book and the leather book creaks as it opens]
[The hot blonde walks out of the fitting room stall
and walks stiffly in brown leather pants, leather creaks]
Leather Man: Well, am I right? Or am i r-right?
Hot Blonde: Well, you know, actually they're a little
tight and noisy.
Leather Man: That's leather's way of letting you know
it likes you. It wants to get closer to you. Don't be
shy. Let it. Walk for me. Walk for the leather.
[The hot blonde walks rigidly in front of a mirror,
she checks out her butt]
[A very rapid creaking is heard. Leather Man looks
around for where the noise comes from and he finds
Choo-Choo masturbating in the fitting room stalls
checking out the blonde]
Leather Man: Choo-Choo!, Choo- Choo!
[Horatio shows his hands and the masturbation leather
creaking sounds keeps going. Jimmy is cracking up
hard. Leather Man whips Choo-Choo in the face. Smack!]
Choo-Choo: Aaaaaaiiiii!!! aaaaaaaahhhh!!! [bounces of
the walls of the stall]
[Jimmy comes back biting his lip to keep from laughing]
Hot Blonde: How much are these things? They look a little expensive.
Leather Man: Well, I'll barter.
Hot Blonde: Barter? Do they still do that?
Leather Man: Well...
[A family walks into the store. They're all in
leather, leather creaks, even the 2 little kids]
Leather Dad:[explains]Back to school.
Kids: Hi, Leather Man!
Leather Man: Hey, kids![to the hot blonde] Hey, I was
thinking maybe we could.....[Between the Judge,
Choo-Choo, the leather family and the Leather Man
moving, the leather creaks very, very loud drowning
out what the Leather Man is telling the hot blonde in
the ear. The Hot Blonde slaps the Leather Man in the
face and leaves the store. Leather creaking stops]
Leather Man: Ow, what's her prob? That line usually works.
Choo-Choo: Hey, she didn't pay for those pants.
[Smack!Leather Man whips Choo-Choo in the belly]
Leather Man: After her everybody!
[Choo-Choo, Leather Man and Judge Lindenwell leave the
store after the hot blonde. The Leather family are
left all alone and start shoplifting, stealing every
leather item they can take]
[Cheers and applause]
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel