01p: Cameron Diaz / Jimmy Eat World Astronaut Jones Astronaut Jones.....Tracy Morgan Jupitarians.....Maya Rudolph, Cameron Diaz, Amy Poehler [ Open with Astronaut Jones surrounded by large rocks on the planet Jupiter ] Astronaut Jones: [ into transmitter ] Come in earth. I've collected some space rock and I've tested them. Over. One thing I will say that here on the planet Jupiter there is no life. No one is around. Over. Uh-oh. I hear something. Jingle: "Rocket! I'm taking a rocket. I'm packing my suitcase. Hey, look out, Moon! Yeah, a rocket into outer space. Goodbye, human race. I'll be there soon. Blast off! For fun and adventure. Yes, I said adventure collecting stones. Yeah, it's my way on the ol' space highway. That's why they all say, 'There goes Astronaut Jones!' Hey!" Announcer: Astronaut Jones! Tonight's episode: "Episode 8: Voyage to Jupiter". Astronaut Jones: Hello, Earth. I'm on the planet Jupiter investigating the rocks and possible life forms. Over. I'm getting a funny reading on my life-o-meter. Wait! Hold on, Earth! Someone's coming. [ Three Jupitarians approach Astronaut Jones ] Jupitarians: [ speaking together ] Earthling. Astronaut Jones: Uh. Jupitarians: Welcome. We are the Jupitarians. Astronaut Jones: Right. Jupitarians: We come in peace ... Astronaut Jones: Yeah. Jupitarians: ... and wish no ill will on you. Astronaut Jones: Ok. Jupitarians: For centuries, we have longed for the day that your people would arrive on our fair planet. Astronaut Jones: Dig. Jupitarians: We have much to share with your culture ... Astronaut Jones: That's cool. Jupitarians: ... and you as well ... Astronaut Jones: Right. Jupitarians: ... and learn much from our wise ones. Astronaut Jones: Mmm-hmm. Jupitarians: One day ... Astronaut Jones: Oh. Jupitarians: ... earth creatures ... Astronaut Jones: Right. Jupitarians: ... and Jupitarians ... Astronaut Jones: Mmm-hmm. Jupitarians: ... will live in peace ... Astronaut Jones: Right. Jupitarians: ... and harmony ... Astronaut Jones: That's sweet. Jupitarians: ... and that by sharing and learning from each other ... Astronaut Jones: I can dig that. Jupitarians: ... we can form a beautiful ... Astronaut Jones: Right. Jupitarians: ... new universe. Astronaut Jones: Oh, man. Jupitarians: What say you to this, Earthling? Astronaut Jones: I say you three ladies hike up those dresses and bend over let me slap those phat asses. Jingle: "Rocket! I'm taking a rocket. I'm packing my suitcase ... " [ music continues ] Announcer: "Astronaut Jones", written by Tracy Morgan. Directed by Tracy Morgan. Hair and Make-up by Tracy Morgan. Produced by Tracy Morgan and Melvin Goldfarb. This has been a Morgan/Goldfarb Production. Voice: You like? Astronaut Jones V/O: Good lookin' out, money! [ fade ] Thanks to Phil-D-O-double-G for this transcript! SNL Transcripts