01q: The Rock / Andrew W.K.

Arthur Andersen Ad

Waitress.....Amy Poehler
Businessman.....Will Ferrell
Businesswoman.....Ana Gasteyer
Housekeeper.....Rachel Dratch
Spokesman.....Chris Parnell

Waitress: I work two jobs - I don't have time to do taxes.

Businessman: Delay? Depreciation? Why does it have to be so complicated?

Spokesman: Problems with your last-minute filings? We understand. We're Arthur Andersen. And for the first time ever, we're bringing our years of corporate expertise to you, the individual taxpayer.

Businesswoman: Arthur Andersen helped me build my craft shop into a billion dollar business - on paper. I was able to cash out long before my employee caught on. Right, Consuela?

Housekeeper: [ confused ] Que?

Spokesman: Until now, Andersen made sure many of our corporate clients like Enron paid little or no tax at all - shifting the burdon to you, Joe Taxpayer. [ chuckles ] Sorry about that. Times change, though. And now we're setting up offices all over the country to help you.

Businesswoman: Arthur Andersen helped me ship my products to the Cayman Islands. Now I don't pay a penny towards parks, police or schools - just like big corporations.

Businessman: Thanks to Andersen, I get huge credits for drilling and exploration. And that is not a sex joke.

Spokesman: Arthur Andersen is the first tax firm ever indicted for obstruction of justice, and we're pretty proud of that. And we're committed to bringing that level of criminal deceit to each and every client.

Waitress: I forgot to report my tips.

Spokesman: Hmm.. well, guess what? [ drops tip sheet into paper shredder ] So did we! [ laughs ]

If saving you money is a crime, we at Arthur Andersen plead guilty.

Voiceover: Arthur Andersen does not plead guilty to fraud, obstruction of justice, or any other pending charges.

SNL Transcripts