01s: Kirsten Dunst / Eminem Rehearsal Scene Actress.....Maya Rudolph Actor.....Chris Kattan Mike, the Director.....Chris Parnell Casey, the Assistant.....Seth Meyers Male Extra.....Will Ferrell Female Extra #1.....Amy Poehler Female Extra #2.....Kirsten Dunst [ open on dramatic scene at a restaurant ] Actress: Listen Doug...thanks for meeting me here. Actor: No problem. I've missed you. Actress: I know the last month has been hard...I just-- I wish I could have been there when your mother died. Actor: You were there. [puts hand over heart] You were here. Actress: Doug...I'm pregnant. [ Mike walks in, lights come up ] Mike: And cut, on rehearsal. Great guys, did that feel good? Actor: Oh yeah. Actress: Yea, that was good. Mike: Alright, let's shoot this! Uh, Casey, you wanna go ahead and bring in the background? Casey: Ok, background please fill in! [ extras walk in ] Folks, we're pretty wide here - so just remember you're in the shot! You are in a bar, there's drinking, talking, etc. Mike: Quiet please! [ to actors ] And whenever you're ready. [ actors nod that they're ready, director steps back ] Action! [ Lights dim, scene begins again ] Actress: Listen Doug... [ extras in the background begin "talking" exageratingly with hand movements, etc ] thanks for meeting me here. Actor: No problem. I've missed you. [ male extra wildly describes something crazy with his hands, female extra mimes that something is taking a long time, male extra nods heavily in agreement ] Actress: I know the last month has been hard... [ extras share a long laugh, then make talking motions with their hands ] ...I wish I could have been there when your mother died. [ male extra mimics driving, female extra continues talking motions with her hands ] Actor: You were there. [ female extra flips her fingers over her eyes, male extra points and laughs ] You were here. [ both extras turn and intently watch the rest of the scene unfold ] Actress: Doug...I'm pregnant. Mike: and...cut! [ lights go up ] That was great. Background players, specifically you two...a lot of arm movements in this scene. We just need you to be talking in a bar...ok? Female Extra #1: Ok. Male Extra: Alright! FeMale Extra: Thank you. Male Extra: Thanks Mike! Female Extra #1: I can feel that. Male Extra: I felt it. Female Extra #1: Thank you! Casey: Back to one, everybody! Mike: Quiet please. [to extras] subtle. [lights dim] action. Actress: Listen Doug... [ female extra waves to offstage, second female extra runs on, male waves as well ] ...thanks for meeting me here. [ second female extra holds up glasses to male extra, waving them around vigorously. ] Actor: No problem. [ male and second female extra exchange high-fives ] I've missed you. [ first female extra picks up a glass and mimes drinking from it, male extra offers a glass to the second female extra, she begins drinking as well. male extra hold out his hands to first female extra, who mimes pouring water on them ] Actress: I know the last month has been hard...[ male extra splashes imaginary water on his face ] I just-- I wish I could have been there when your mother died. [ male extra puts cups up to his head, first female extra continues drinking, second female extra mimes smoking a cigarette ] Actor: You were there. [ all extras turn to watch again ] You were here. Actress: Doug...I'm pregnant. Extras: [ surprised ] OHHHHH! [ Actors break character, looking confused, lights go up ] Actress: I'm sorry...it's just-- they're really loud. Actor: You guys are really distracting! I dont understand -- Mike: [walking in] Cut! Female Extra #1: Mike, I'm sorry! I -- Male Extra: ...um, we thought we should bring in a real friend... Female Extra #2: [waves] Hi! Male Extra: That's what we thought...we worked out this thing that I had left my glasses at her place... Female Extra #2: Yeah, were they in the shot? [ waves around glasses ] Did they read? Male Extra: Did you see the glasses? Mike: [ to Casey ] Ok, get them out of here. Casey: Ok guys...alright guys, come with me...we're just going to have you cross through the background. Male Extra: That's ok with us, Mike. Female Extra #1: We'll get there! We're feeling set! Male Extra: Bear with us. Female Extra #2: Nice call, nice call. Yeah. Mike: [ to actors ] Alright, just take a deep breath. Ok? [angrily, to extras] you are just crossing. Male Extra: Thanks, Mike. Mike: [ stressed ] Action. [ lights dim again ] Actress: Listen Doug... [ female extra #2 wanders behind the table with a beer bottle, miming drinking ] ...thanks for meeting me here. [ female extra #1 walks across shaking her arms together in an exagerated "congratulations" manner ] Actor: No problem. [ actor glances up as male extra comes in, obnoxiously talking on a cell phone ] I've missed you. [ all three extras come back on and hover over the table, each doing their respective parts ] Actress: I know the last month has been hard... [ Male and female extra #1 share the cell phone directly next to the actor's head, female extra #2 continues drinking near actress ] I just-- I wish I could have been there when your mother died. [ both actors show signs of annoyance ] Actor: [ struggling ] You were there. [ extras again watch camera intently ] You were here. Actress: Doug...I'm.... [ female extra #2 mouths the word "pregnant" ] Female Extra #1: [ whispering to actress ] You're pregnant. [ actors look confused ] Extras: Cuuuut...? Mike: [ angry ] Don't CUT! [ lights go back on ] Casey: Background! Background out of the frame! Female Extra #1: [ pointing ] Mike...Mike I'm sorry, but she blew her line! Actress: um...I was just pausing for dramatic effect! Female Extra #1: Mike should I jump in? Should we switch? Mike: No! You are fired! Female Extra #2: [ mimicking with beer bottle ] Did you notice I was playing drunk? Male Extra: She was playing drunk. Female Extra #2: Yeah, 'cause I have to match that in my closeup... Female Extra #1: Yeah. Mike: No, get out of here! I never want to see you again! Ok? [ sighing, to actors ] Just...keep it going. Stay focused, we're still rolling... Actor: Are you ok? Actress: Yeah, I'm ok. [ lights dim ] Actress: Listen Doug...[ extras appear directly in front of camera, cutting off the view behind them ] thanks for meeting me here... [ extras make faces in front of the camera, actors behind them wonder what is happenning ] Mike: CUT! [ lights go up ] Are you DEAF? Get out of here! NOW! Female Extra #1: Ok, thanks everybody, that's a wrap! Male Extra: Thank you Mike, I think we've got it! Female Extra #2: It's so hard to leave after you've become a family! Mike: Get OFF the set! Female Extra #2: [ to actors ] I love you guys! Female Extra #1: Mike...Mike, I don't usually do nudity, but if it serves the story -- which in this case, i think it does -- [ begins taking off shirt ] Male Extra: This is a closed set! [ also begins taking off shirt ] Lock it up! Mike: Just get OUT of here people! [ fade ] Thanks to Nick O. for this transcript! SNL Transcripts