Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 28: Episode 2


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:


October 12th, 2002

Sarah Michelle Gellar

Faith Hill

None

Jim Downey

A Message From the President of the United States
Summary: President Bush (Chris Parnell) warns Saddam Hussein of his intentions.

Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush, Dick Cheney.

Transcript


Montage
Note: Sen. John McCain was booked to host this week's episode, but had to postpone it for a week because of a scheduling conflict.


Sarah Michelle Gellar's Monologue
Summary: A vampire (Chris Kattan) in the audience is unappreciative of Sarah Michelle Gellar's snide "Buffy the Vampire slayer" reference.

Transcript


Swiffer Sleepers
Summary: Kids can help keep the house clean with specially-designed dustcloth pajamas.

Transcript


The Be Safe Gang
Summary: Policeman (Fred Armisen) advises kids to use their bodies to protect themselves.

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Musical Dentist
Summary: Dr. Kaplan (Chris Kattan) dreams of his hygienist (Sarah Michelle Gellar) while operating.

Transcript


Trans American Airlines
Summary: Unlike other airlines, Trans America guarantees racial profiling.

Transcript


Corona I
Summary: A drunk guy (Jimmy Fallon) vacationing on the beach accidentally tosses a beer bottle instead of his buzzing cellphone.

Transcript


Saddam Hussein Briefing
Summary: Saddam Hussein (Darrell Hammond) outlines his strategy with his cabinet, then introduces his secret doubles (Chris Kattan, Horatio Sanz).

Recurring Characters: Saddam Hussein.

Transcript


Corona II
Summary: A drunk guy (Jimmy Fallon) vacationing on the beach once again accidentally tosses a beer bottle instead of his buzzing cellphone.

Transcript


Faith Hill performs "Cry"


Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey
Summary: Steven, the annoying Dell kid (Seth Meyers), comments on teen depression. Tina Fey supports the downfall of the Jewish Federation of Greater Seattle. Ripple (Maya Rudolph) & Delorian Ramada (Sarah Michelle Gellar) are unglamorous jet-setters in the Hilton mold.

Transcript


Making the Video
Summary: Christina Aguilera (Sarah Michelle Gellar) documents the making of her new trashy video.

Note: Christina Aguilera

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Arli$$
Summary: Sarah Michelle Gellar promotes "Arli$$" on DVD because not laughing while watching it can prevent embarrassing pants-wetting. Afterwards, Tracy Morgan tries to engage Gellar and Faith Hill in a catfight designed for his own personal amusement.

Transcript


Faith Hill performs "I'm Free"


"I Love My Man"
Summary: A sexy woman (Maya Rudolph) knows just how her man (Tracy Morgan) feels about her.

Transcript


Corona III
Summary: A drunk guy (Jimmy Fallon) vacationing on the beach once again accidentally hits a passing stranger when he tosses a beer bottle.

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Blame Saddam
Summary: Saddam Hussein might not be responsible for 9/11, but Americans don't mind using that as a reason to be pissed off at him just the same.

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Sexual Harrassment Seminar
Summary: Merv the Perv (Chris Parnell) disrupts a sexual harrassment seminar to hit on the women that are present.

Recurring Characters: Merv the Perv.

Transcript


Goodnights



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