Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 28: Episode 4


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:


November 2nd, 2002

Eric McCormack

Jay-Z

None

Steve Higgins

Lenny Kravitz

Beyonce

Giuliani's Endorsement Ads
Summary: Rudolph Giuliani (Darrell Hammond) pre-records campaign endorsements.

Recurring Characters: Rudolph Giuliani.


Montage


Eric McCormack's Monologue
Summary: When audience members think Eric McCormack is gay in real-life, he performs a musical number in order to prove them wrong.

Transcript


The Bachelor
Summary: One-legged Amber (Amy Poehler) wants to be bachelor Aaron's (Eric McCormack) wife.

Recurring Characters: Amber.


Game Night
Summary: Rachel (Rachel Dratch) goes on a rampage when she loses a game of Celebrity.


Talarico For Congress
Summary: Andy Talarico (Chris Kattan) advises voters to call Ellen Frenkel (Rachel Dratch).

Transcript


Frankel For Congress
Summary: Ellen Frenkel (Rachel Dratch) tells voters to call Andy Talarico (Chris Kattan).

Transcript


American Morning
Summary: The morning news takes a back seat when Paula Zahn (Tina Fey) falls in love with her co-host, Brent Dunlop (Eric McCormack).

Recurring Characters: Paula Zahn.

Transcript


Fairness in Attack Ads
Summary: Call Ellen Frankel (Rachel Dratch), not Andy Talarico (Chris Kattan).

Transcript


Jay-Z & Lenny Kravitz perform "Guns & Roses"


Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey
Summary: Gene Shalit (Horatio Sanz) makes bad puns for the movies he didn't like. A desktop dance rap is performed by Jay-Z crew member Baby K (Jeff Richards).

Recurring Characters: Gene Shalit, Baby K.

Transcript


The Bullhorn
Summary: A judge (Will Forte) is angered when a defendant (Eric McCormack) repeatedly interrupts trial proceeings by blaring multiple bullhorns.

Transcript


Verizon
Summary: Andy Talarico's (Chris Kattan) phones have been disconnected.

Transcript


Z105
Summary: Councilman Bill Gik (Eric McCormack) is unable to get a word in while a guest on multi-character disc jockey Joey Mack's (Jimmy Fallon) morning zoo.

Recurring Characters: Joey Mack.

Transcript


John Hancock Life Insurance
Summary: Insurance packages that specialize in the most extreme worst-case scenarios.

Transcript


Jay-Z & Beyonce perform "03 Bonnie & Clyde"


Jackass: The Musical
Summary: An actor portrays Johnny Knoxville (Eric McCormack) in a traditional musical performance, complete with puke.


Reggie's Stories
Summary: Barmaid (Maya Rudolph) sets Reggie (Tracy Morgan) straight on his tall-tale stories.


Goodnights



SNL Transcripts








  • Giuliani Pre-Tapes

    Rudolph Giuliani (Darrell Hammond) records campaign endorsements.

    Recurring Characters: Rudolph Giuliani.


  • Eric McCormack's Monologue

    Audience thinks McCormack really is gay, he sings to prove otherwise.


  • The Bachelor

    One-legged Amber (Amy Poehler) wants to be the Bachelor's (McCormack) wife.

    Recurring Characters: Amber.


  • Board Game Fury

    Rachel (Rachel Dratch) goes crazy when she loses a game of Celebrity.


  • Attack Ads

    Andy Talarico (Chris Kattan) advises voters to call Ellen Frenkel (Rachel Dratch).

    Ellen Frenkel (Rachel Dratch) tells voters to call Andy Talarico (Chris Kattan).


  • American Morning

    News takes a back seat when Paula Zahn (Tina Fey) falls in love.


  • Attack Ads II

    Call Ellen Frankel (Rachel Dratch), not Andy Talarico (Chris Kattan).


  • Jay-Z & Lenny Kravitz perform "Guns & Roses"


  • Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey

    Gene Shalit (Horatio Sanz) makes bad puns for movies he didn't like.

    A desktop dance rap from Jay-Z crew member Baby-K (Jeff Richards).


  • Courtroom Bullhorn

    Defendant (McCormack) interrupts trial with multiple bullhorns.


  • Attack Ads III

    Andy Talarico's (Chris Kattan) phones have been disconnected.


  • Z-105 Morning Crew

    Congressman (McCormack) can't speak amid multi-character D.J. (Jimmy Fallon).


  • John Hancock Insurance

    Insurance packages for extreme worst-case scenarios.


  • Jay-Z & Beyonce perform "Bonnie & Clyde"


  • Jackass: The Musical

    Johnny Knoxville (McCormack) in traditional music - with puke.


  • Reggie's Stories

    Barmaid (Maya Rudolph) sets Reggie (Tracy Morgan) straight on his stories.


  • Goodnights


    SNL Transcripts