Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 28: Episode 13

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


February 22nd, 2003

Christopher Walken

Foo Fighters


Steve Martin

Will Ferrell

Britney Spears

Jim Carrey

Summary: Chris Matthews (Darrell Hammond) spars with French Foreign Minister Dominique de Villepin (Christopher Walken).

Recurring Characters: Chris Matthews.



Christopher Walken's Monologue
Summary: Ever the traditionalist, Christopger Walken sings and dances for the audience's delight.

Also Hosted: 89k, 92d, 95j, 99p, 00t.


Summary: Playful host Zach Ricky (Seth Meyers) is horrified when Larry Hobson (Christopher Walken), one of his older guests, presents a prank video in which he kills a co-worker with a tire iron in the name of a good laugh.

Recurring Characters: Zach Ricky.


The Continental
Summary: The Continental (Christopher Walken) lures a women into his penthouse apartment with the hopes of enticing her into becoming the spokesmodel for his new line of cosmetics.

Recurring Characters: The Continental.


Life Raft
Summary: Crazy Captain Tyus (Christopher Walken) wants to be leader of the men who are stranded on his life raft after surviving his boat's crash upon an iceberg.


African American Archives
Summary: Don Cheadle (Dean Edwards) salutes Lucious Claymont (Tracy Morgan), the first black man to yell at the screen during a horror movie.

Recurring Characters: Don Cheadle.


Colonel Angus
Summary: Colonel Angus' (Christopher Walken) return down South sparks quaint reflection from everyone at the plantation.


Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey
Summary: Christina Aguliera (Maya Rudolph) speaks her own language. Steve Martin makes a pointless cameo to fill air time. Will Ferrell announces that he's now living on a farm with Britney Spears.

Recurring Characters: Christina Aguliera.


Foo Fighters perform "All My Life"
Also Appeared: 95g, 99d, 05e.

Summary: Roger (Will Ferrell) and Virginia Klarvin (Rachel Dratch) meet once again with Professor Walter (Christopher Walken).

Recurring Characters: Roger Klarvin, Virginia Klarvin, Walter.

Foo Fighters perform "Times Like These (One-Way Motorway)"
Note: Jim Carrey joins the band and performs a guitar solo with his leg.

The Rialto Grande
Summary: Buddy Mills (Chris Kattan) jokes around with fellow comic Vic Lester (Christopher Walken).

Recurring Characters: Rodney "The Zipper" Calzoun, Buddy Mills, Mackey, cocktail waitresses.


Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Antiques Roadshow
Summary: Homeowner (Horatio Sanz) checks the value of a beer stein.

Second Time Around
Summary: Glenda Goodwin (Maya Rudolph) speaks with (Rachel Dratch) and (Christopher Walken).

Antiques Roadshow II
Summary: Homemaker (Amy Poehler) checks the value of her family photo album.

TV Funhouse
Summary: Rob Smigel presents another adventure with The X-Presidents.

African American Archives II
Recurring Characters: Don Cheadle.

Antiques Roadshow III
Summary: Man (Tracy Morgan) checks the value of a century-old corn dog.

Board Meeting
Summary: Executive (Christopher Walken) is pre-occupied with the blossoming romance between Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez during an important board meeting.

African American Archives III
Summary: Don Cheadle (Dean Edwards) salutes Mushmouth from the Fat Albert gang.

Recurring Characters: Don Cheadle.

The Jukebox
Summary: A man (Christopher Walken) has reservations about what songs teenagers can play on his jukebox.

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