Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 29: Episode 3






03c: Halle Berry / Britney Spears

Gaystrogen

Steven.....Chris Parnell
Russ.....Fred Armisen
Black Gay Guy.....Finesse Mitchell

[ open on gay man Steven sitting on couch typing on his laptop computer, a pair of tiny dogs by his side ]

Announcer: Have your tastes changed, for no apparent reason?

[ gay man Russ pushes the dogs off the couch, and sits ]

Steven: Look, Russ! I found a new place for us to get our turquoise!

Russ: [ annoyed ] Don't we have enough turquoise already?

Announcer: Have you noticed a dramatic shift in your interests?

[ Steven is slicing vegetables in the kitchen, as Russ drifts past ]

Steven: Russ, I Tivoed "The Gilmore Girls", and I waited to watch it with you.

[ Russ keeps on walking ]

Announcer: Have you noticed a loss of attention to detail?

[ Steven is working on a dollhouse ]

Steven: Russ, what color white should we do the trim - Candleabra.. Stucco.. or Rice?

Russ: [ annoyed ] White is white, Steven!

Steven: [ hurt ] Since when, Russ?! Since when?!

Announcer: If you're over 45, and a gay male - you could be suffering from Queer Loss. Now there's new Gaystrogen.

[ show Gaystrogen pills ]

[ outline is male body is shown, as the pills work their way to the crotch area, setting the male outline into a dance motion with rainbow spirals eminating from the crotch ]

Announcer: Gaystrogen works with your body, to replenish your natural gayness and boost your fabu.

[ doorbell rings, as gay guests enter ]

Gay Guy: Hello, hello!

[ they all kiss their greetings ]

[ Steven playfully lifts his arm behind his head to show off his turquoise bracelet ]

Black Gay Guy: [ excited ] Oh, my God! Where did you get this beautiful turquoise bracelet!

It was a surprise - from me!

[ Steven and Russ kiss ]

Announcer: Gaystrogen. And get back to your old self.


SNL Transcripts