Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 29: Episode 5




03e: Andy Roddick / Dave Matthews

Cryogenix

Man #1.....Chris Parnell
Woman #1.....Maya Rudolph
Woman #2.....Amy Poehler
Man #2.....Seth Meyers
Man #3.....Jeff Richards

Man #1: When my doctor first told me about my condition.. I was devestated. Especially when I heard that a cure was only ten years away.

Woman #1: When I first heard about it, I'll admit - I was skeptical. But, now.. I think it's my only option.

Announcer: Cryogenix. Your body is frozen, and stored in a Cryogrenic chamber for up to one hundred years.

Woman #2: When my doctor told me about Cryogenix, I thought he was crazy. But if, years from now, they find a cure for lactose intolerance, I don't want to miss that party!

Announcer: Ask your doctor if Cryogenix is right for you.

Man #2: Trust me - no guy wants to go bald. And, in a hundred years.. I won't have to.

Announcer: Once your body is frozen, your blood is drained, and replaced with liquid nitrogen.

Man #3: People tell me I have terrible halitosis. I'm sure there'll be a cure for it some day..

Announcer: Your head is then severed from your body, and placed in a vacuum-sealed chamber, to preserve your delicate brain tissue.

Woman #1: I bet there'll be a better weight loss pill in the future.

Announcer: Ask your doctor about Cryogenix. Because there's a cure for everything - in the future.

Man #1: Hey. If it's good enough for Ted Williams.. it's good enough for me.


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