Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 29: Episode 7




03g: Rev. Al Sharpton / Pink

Unearthed: Cash On Earth

Johnny Cash.....Darrell Hammond

(As we fade into the sketch, Johnny Cash, whoís in heaven and holding a guitar, has his back to the camera. He turns around and speaks into a microphone.)

Johnny Cash: Hello Iím the ghost of Johnny Cash.

[Plays a guitar riff]

You know just because Iím dead doesnít mean I have a new record coming out. And itís just in time for Christmas. Itís a good album. I wonít lie to you.

[Singing] "Itís not as wonderful As being here in heaven With my wife June my ma and pa. And Jesus!"

[Talking]

That said itís a pretty damn good record. Isnít that funny? They let you say damn in heaven.

(Cashís record "flies" in. Cash moves over to make room for it.)

Anyway, the new record is what they call a box set.

Itís five CDís ofÖ

(Darrell Hammond looks at the obviously cheap record hanging from thin wires. He looks at the audience and is about to laugh but manages to hold it in.)

Öunreleased music called "Cash On Earth." (Hammondís voice cracks when he says "Earth")

(The record Ďflies away.í Cash looks up as the record flies away)

I like that title.

Itís kind of ironic.

[Singing]

"Because Iím dead."

[Talking]

Some of you might not have heard about it, Ďcause John Ritter died the same day.

But I understand.

I loved "Threeís Company".

What the hell.

[Singing]

"Iím happy up here in heaven."

[Talking]

When I first got here St. Peter gave me guff about being dressed in black.

I told him I wasnít changing and he went and got Jesus.

We had some words and finally decided to go behind the pearly gates and settle it by leg wrestling.

Needless to say Jesus beat me two out of three times.

[Singing] "So I grabbed my gear And I was getting ready to go Down Down Down To that burning ring of fire."

[Talking]

But Jesus placed his hand on my shoulder

And turned me around and said he was just messing with me.

Turns out Waylon Jennings put him up to it.

We all shared a good laugh over that

And guess what

Last night I jammed with Jimi Hendrix

[Plays a rock guitar riff ŗ la Jimi Hendrix]

Whoo!!

The night before it was John Lennon

And today I started to record with the killer himself Mr. Jerry Lee Lewis

But the had to leave

Turns out he was just in a deep sleep.

Who woulda thunk

[Singing]

"He would outlive me?"

[Talking]

Well, I got to go.

I think you're going to enjoy "Cash on Earth."

It makes a perfect stocking stuffer.

And hopefully it would tide you over until I see you up here.

Godís a cool guy

He lets almost everyone in.

I even saw one of my ex-business managers up here.

If that guy can get in

[Singing]

"I think youíll do okay."

[Talking]

Iíll see you later

Iím the ghost of Johnny Cash

(He plays guitar riff and turns around with the arm he played the riff in the air.)


Submitted by: Amy Young


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