Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 29: Episode 7




03g: Rev. Al Sharpton / Pink

Al Sharpton’s Casa De Sushi

.....Rev. Al Sharpton
Dancers.....Maya Rudolph, Amy Poehler, Will Forte, Kenan Thompson
Harvey Fierstein.....Horatio Sanz

[ Fade in on videotaped footage of fish being caught with a net and pulled onto a boat. Dissolve into shot of Rev. Al Sharpton, dressed as a pirate, looking into a telescope]

Rev. Al Sharpton: [à la a pirate] Ahoy, mateys! The seas look right as rain! [drops the pirate act and addresses the audience]: Hi, I’m the Reverend Al Sharpton. Everyone knows I love fish: fried catfish sandwiches, grilled shrimp salad, salmon stir fry. Yum, I love me some fish - cooked fish, that is! But some goofy son-of-a beestings like to eat that stuff raw. Yes, raw. People paying top dollar for food that ain’t cooked. That’s why I opened up Al Sharpton’s Casa De Sushi.

[Four dancers, two women with geisha girl hairstyles and two men with katanas (samurai swords), dressed in plain blue bathrobes come out, bobbing back and forth to the music and half-heartedly singing a parody of “California” by Tupac Shakur]

Dancers: [singing]
"Al Sharpton’s Casa De Sushi Al Sharpton’s Casa De Sushi In the city Of Seacaucus We don’t like it (We don’t like it) But we’ll serve it to ya And charge ya money."

[The Dancers leave]

Rev. Al Sharpton: That’s right! [an off-screen stagehand to the left gives Sharpton a platter of sushi rolls and Sharpton gives his telescope to him]: I don’t like this stuff! [throws sushi rolls in a wastebasket held by an off-screen stagehand to the right, then hands the platter back to the offscreen stagehand to the left] This stuff is nasty! But if you’re a weirdo, by all means, come to my place: Al Sharpton’s Casa De Sushi.

[cut to Al Sharpton’s face in a circular inset on the lower left side of the screen superimposed next to a plate of octopus]

Female V/O: Octopus.

Rev. Al Sharpton: Gross!

[cut to another plate, this time with squid on it]

Female V/O: Squid.

Rev. Al Sharpton: Yuck!

[cut to a final plate, this time with two eels on it]

Female V/O: Eel.

Rev. Al Sharpton: Heck, no! [cut back to full shot of Al Sharpton at the sushi restaurant] But that’s just my opinion. People ask me, “Al, why open a sushi restaurant?” Well, presidential campaigns don’t finance themselves, people.

[The Dancers return to “dance” and sing another verse]

Dancers: [singing] "Al Sharpton’s Casa De Sushi If you like sushi You should come here."

[The dancers leave]

Rev. Al Sharpton: You don’t believe me, then listen to this lady from Broadway, Harvey Fierstein.

[enter Harvey Fierstein]

Harvey Fierstein: [in a gravelly voice] Hello, I’m Harvey Fierstein. I play a fat lady in the Broadway musical “Hairspray”. Eat your heart out, Nell Carter!

Rev. Al Sharpton: [calmly] Be cool. Nell Carter’s dead.

Harvey Fierstein: [in disbelief] What?! Nell Carter died! That’s not funny! She’s a good friend of mine!

Rev. Al Sharpton: Well, I’m afraid she’s dead.

Harvey Fierstein: [wailing] Oh, Nell! Nell Carter died! [Sanz pulls a Chris Farley by passing out on a restaurant table and breaking it]

Rev. Al Sharpton: Harvey Frankenstein, you dummy! You just—you better pay for my table. Okay, let’s just sing the song and get on out of here.

[The Dancers return for their finale]

Dancers: [singing] "Al Sharpton’s Casa De Sushi In the city Of Seacaucus We don’t like it (We don’t like it) But we will serve it And charge you money."

Rev. Al Sharpton: What they said.

[cut to title screen with the words “Reverend Al Sharpton’s Casa De Sushi. Rt. 14 In Seascaucus, N.J.” over four shots of the Japanese dishes that were shown earlier in the sketch]

Announcer V/O: The Reverend Al Sharpton’s Casa De Sushi. Route 14 in Seacaucus, New Jersey. We don’t like sushi, but we will serve it and charge you money.

[fade out]


Submitted by: Candy Young


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