Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 29: Episode 15

03o: Ben Affleck / N.E.R.D.

Only Bangkok II

Woman.....Amy Poehler
.....Ben Affleck

[Open on outside of hotel room where two burly men are standing in the doorway]

Woman: Let me get this straight - you're selling me to these guys?!

Ben Affleck: What?! No-o! Nobody is selling anybody, okay? I'm.. giving you to these guys, to cover some temporary losses I've incurred from gambling on Russian Roulette.

Woman: You've been gambling on Russian Roulette?!

Ben Affleck: My guy wasn't supposed to die! I had a system!

[the burly men drag the woman out of the room]

Woman: You're high again!

[The woman is kicking and screaming as she’s being taken away]

Ben Affleck: Alright.. I may have socially injected some Komodo dragon venom - just because everyone else is doing it.

[ the Woman is carried away by some Thai gentlemen collecting on their debt ]

Woman: Ow! Let go of me!

Ben Affleck: You're being selfish! You don't need both your kidneys!

Woman: This is not my idea of a honeymoon! Ben Affleck! Dammit!!

[Ben Affleck shakes his head as the woman continues screaming down the hall]

[ SUPER: "What happens in Thailand, stays in Thailand" ]

[ SUPER: "Only Bangkok" ]

Ben Affleck V/O: Komodo dragon venom..

SNL Transcripts