Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 29: Episode 17

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


April 10th, 2004

Janet Jackson

Janet Jackson


Tracy Morgan

Chris Kattan

Simon Cowell

9/11 Briefing
Summary: Vice-President Dick Cheney (Darrell Hammond) briefs Condoleeza Rice (Janet Jackson) on her 9/11 hearing, and convinces her to flash a boob to take off some of the heat.

Recurring Characters: Dick Cheney, Condoleeza Rice.



Janet Jackson's Monologue
Summary: Janet Jackson's home movies from her childhood prove she had a normal upbringing.

Also Appeared: 93t


Brian Fellow's Safari Planet
Summary: Brian Fellow (Tracy Morgan) imagines having a tryst with an attractive zookeeper (Janet Jackson).

Recurring Characters: Brian Fellow.


Janet Jackson Concert Line
Summary: Starkisha (Finesse Mitchell) and her peeps wait in line for tickets.

Recurring Characters: Starkisha, Appreciante.


An Easter Treat From Saturday Night Live
Summary: Horatio Sanz, Jimmy Fallon, Chris Kattan, Tracy Morgan bring their ditty yet back again. Though Simon Cowell objects to a Christmas song being sung in April, he agrees to join in on maracas.

Note: Simon Cowell was asked to host the episode, but he wasn't interested. He would only agree to making a guest appearance.


Janet Jackson performs "All Nite (Don't Stop)"

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey
Summary: Off-the-record, Condoleeza Rice (Maya Rudolph) tells the truth of her pre-9/11 knowledge. Kevin Eubanks (Finesse Mitchell) laughs at Tina Fey's joke about Jimmy Fallon. Jimmy Fallon sings a faux James Bond theme song.

Recurring Characters: Condoleeza Rice.


The Prince Show
Summary: Prince (Fred Armisen) makes Paula Abdul (Janet Jackson) pose for a painting.

Recurring Characters: Prince, Beyonce Knowles.


Cork Soakers
Summary: Expert cork soakers (Jimmy Fallon, Horatio Sanz) discuss their craft with doulbe entendres.


Janet Jackson performs "Strawberry Bounce"

Good Times
Summary: An amalgam of episodes focuses on the Evans family's hopes for a huge lottery payoff.


Boom Boomer
Summary: Drug-induced paranoia makes the game more fun.


Dress Rehearsal Cuts

TV Funhouse
Summary: Rob Smigel presents a cartoon about Donald Trump.

Note: This cartoon was also cut last week when Donald Trump hosted.

The Sleepover
Summary: Kaitlin (Amy Poehler) invites the most popular girl (Janet Jackson) at school over for a sleepover.

Recurring Characters: Kaitlin, Rick.

Summary: Advertising executives (Fred Armsien, Chris Parnell) want to use Janet Jackson's song, "Control", for an adult diaper commercial.

Boombox Barry
Summary: Bombox Barry (Horatio Sanz) wanders the streets in search of Pedro.

Jayson Williams
Summary: Jayson Williams (Finesse Mitchell) discusses his recent scandal with his lawyers.

Note: This sketch was also cut from last week's episode with Donald Trump.

SNL Transcripts