Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 29: Episode 17




03q: Janet Jackson

An Easter Treat From Saturday Night Live

.....Jimmy Fallon
.....Horatio Sanz
.....Tracy Morgan
.....Chris Kattan
.....Simon Cowell

Don Pardo: And now a special Easter treat from Saturday Night Live.

(Jimmy Fallon, Horatio Sanz, Tracy Morgan, and Chris Kattan step out from behind Easter eggs)

Horatio Sanz: One

Jimmy Fallon: Two

Horatio Sanz: One

Jimmy Fallon: Two

Horatio Sanz: Three

Jimmy Fallon: Four

Horatio Sanz: (music starts)
I don't care that tomorrow is Easter
Christmas is number one.
I don't care about colored eggs
Christmas toys are more fun.
I don't care about marshmallow peeps
The Cadbury bunny gives me the creeps.
I wish it was Christmas today
262 days away.
(music stops)

Jimmy Fallon: Well, What do you think?

Simon Cowell: Absolutely awful! It was truely atrocious, and I'm at a loss for words.

Chris Kattan: Hey, that's mean, we're just singing about Christmas.

Simon Cowell: That's exactly my point. Why are you singing about Christmas in the middle of April? And you, what do you do exactly?

Chris Kattan: Me? I go like this. (shakes head back and forth)

Simon Cowell: Whoopie! I'd rather let William Hung lick honey off my nipples than listen to you lot for another second. And he's offered.

Tracy Morgan: I'm gonna kick this dude's ass!

Jimmy Fallon: No! Hold up, Tracy.

Tracy Morgan: Hey man if you think you're so hot, why don't you get up here and try?

Simon Cowell: Do you honestly think that I would want to join your sorry little combo? Are you serious?

Jimmy Fallon: Come on Simon, You know you wanna.

Simon Cowell: No, no I don't.

Jimmy Fallon: Yeah, you do.

Simon Cowell: No, I don't.

Jimmy Fallon: Yeah, ya do.

Simon Cowell: Yes, I would actually. I'd actually like that very much. Do you know no one's ever given me the chance. I've never actually been included in anything.

Horatio Sanz: Is that why you're such a jerk?

Simon Cowell: Well, that's what my therapist says.

Jimmy Fallon: Well come on up here man. Come on up!

Simon Cowell: Well, I did bring my maracas.

Tracy Morgan: You gotta get more color in your wardrobe, those black t-shirts are bringing you down. (Hands Simon a pink sweater) Drop this like it's hot.

Horatio Sanz: You ready, Simon?

Simon Cowell: Yeah.

Horatio Sanz: One.

Jimmy Fallon: Two.

Horatio Sanz: One.

Jimmy Fallon: Two.

Horatio Sanz: Three.

Jimmy Fallon: Four.

Horatio Sanz: (music starts)
I don't care what your mama says
Christmas is full of cheer.
I don't care what your daddy says
Christmas will soon be here.
I don't care if you think you're so cool
Working with that black dude and Paula Abdul.

All:
I wish it was Christmas today
I wish it was Christmas today.

(music stops, all take a bow)


Submitted by: Julian Spivey


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