Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 29: Episode 19

03s: Snoop Dogg / Avril Lavigne

Show Biz Grande Explosion

Fericito....Fred Armisen
Manuel Pantalones....Horatio Sanz
.....Snoop Dogg

(Opens with the Univision logo. Mariachi music plays)

Caption: Univision en English.

(Show Biz Grande Explosion logo. Manuel is dressed like a mariachi, holds a guitar, sits on a stool)

Manuel Pantalones: Chicos y cucarachas! Welcome to Show Biz Grande Explosion! And hereīs your host, on loan from the funny farm, Fe-e-e-ericito!

(Venezuelan comic Fericito has a loud burgundy suit, a golden tooth and comes out banging on his drumsticks, audience applauds to the rhythm of the sticks banging. Fericito plays wildly on his timbales set then stops)

Fericito: (heavy Latin accent) Did you feel it?!(audience cheers)I said, did you feel it?! (audience cheers) Welcome to my show. Now is time for my comedy monologue. Hereīs my first joke. Did you hear they confiscated Michael Jackson underwear? You know what kind it is? Fruit of the "loony" (rim shot) Ay, Dios Mio!

(Manuel laughs)

Fericito: And then this guy fired his lawyer and got a new one. Do you know who he should get? Omarosa! (rim shot) Ay, Dios Mio!

Manuel Pantalones: (laughs) Omarosa! Thatīs great!

Fericito: Manuel, do you even know who Omarosa is?

Manuel Pantalones: Um, lawyer?

Fericito: Manuel, youīre fired!

Manuel Pantalones: (sad) Ok. (gets off his stool)

Fericito: No, Manuel. Its from "The Apprentice". Its a joke!

Manuel Pantalones: I donīt get it.

Fericito: Manuel is so dumb...

Manuel Pantalones: (sits back down) How dumb am I?

Fericito: Manuel is so dumb the only thing he ever passed was a kidney "estone". (rim shot) Ay Dios Mio!

Manuel Pantalones: Actually I didnīt pass it. The doctors dissolved it...

Fericito: Manuel, come on! Give it up for Manuel Pantalones and his Mariachis!

(Manuel plays his guitar with two other mariachis. Fericito sits behind his desk. A little drum set in front of him.)

Fericito: So, Manuel, how was your weekend?

Manuel Pantalones: Oh, you know, it was great, you know. I wish my wife was in better shape though, you know.

Fericito: Manuelīs wife is so big that when she steps on a scale it says "to be continued". (rim shot) Ay Dios Mio!

Manuel Pantalones: Here we go....

Fericito: Iīm serious, his woman is so big, her shadow has stretch marks. (rim shot)

Manuel Pantalones: (offended) I think they get it.

Fericito: Manuel, (throws his arms up) Iīm just "keeeding"!

(Manuel laughs)

Fericito: Now it's time for my new comedy routine -- Fericito-walking!

(Manuel and the 2 mariachis plays the jingle)

Manuel Pantalones: (sing) Fericito-walki-i-i-i-g!

Fericito: So what I did is I went out in the streets and asked easy questions to people on the streets. You wonīt believe the answers I got!

(Cut to Fericito asking a question to a woman on the street. She is smiling.)

Fericito: Ok, who is the first President of the United States?

Woman: George Washing -- (Splat! Fericito hits her with a cream pie in the face. Fericito laughs)

(Cut back into the studio. Fericito has cracked himself up with the clip.)

Fericito: Ah! Did you believe that lady? It's a real lady! That was Fericito-walking!

(Manuel and his 2 mariachis)

Manuel Pantalones: (sings) Fericito-walki-i-i-ig!

Fericito: My first guest is a man who sings rap songs and wears baggy pants. "Esnoopy" Dogg!

(Rap star Snoop Doggy Dogg comes out. Flashes peace signs, shakes hands with Fericito and sits down)

Fericito: Oh, great. So, "Esnoopy" Dogg. I see you have a new movie coming out.

Snoop Dogg: Yeah, it's called "Soul Plane". I play the captain. You know, these days Iīm doing it all. I can do music, I can do drama, and now, with this movie, Iīm doing a little bit of comedy.

Fericito: Comedy? Really? You think you could do comedy? You have to leave that to the professionals, you know. You think youīre a funny guy?

Snoop Dogg: Iīm always playing around. Ok, like, would you like to hear some of my music?

Fericito: Yes, please.

Snoop Dogg: Would you like tapes or CDs?

Fericito: CDs.

Snoop Dogg: Ok, well, "CDīs" nuts. (shows Fericito his crotch)

Fericito: (confused) Eh?

(Manuel laughs hysterically)

Manuel Pantalones: He got you, Fericito!

Fericito: Please, Manuel. I donīt get this joke.

Manuel Pantalones: Oh, I got it!

Snopp Dogg: Thatīs ok. Maybe you want a tape instead.

Fericito: Oh, yes. Iīd like a tape.

Snopp Dogg: All right, how about I "tape" my nuts to the back of your head.

(More hysterical laughing from Manuel)

Fericito: "Esnoopy" youīre talking crazy. If youīre gonna tell a joke, you need a gimmick for your punchline. You got to show the audience where to laugh, ok? Do something like this after your punchline. Put your hands behind your ears and go like this. (puts his hands behind his ears) Say Whaaa?! Ok, so letīs do the CD joke again, ok. Uh, yes, please "Esnoop" Iīd like a CD.

Snoop Dogg: Well, then, "CDīs" nuts. (shoves his crotch forward)

Fericito: Now, behind your ears like this....

Snopp Dogg: (puts his hands behind his ears) Say Whaaaa?!

(Manuel laughs)

Manuel Pantalones: That worked! That really worked.

Fericito: It's better, right? It's more professional.

Snoop Dogg: Yes, thatīs cool. I like that. You should tell Eileen that.

Fericito: Eileen who?

Snoop Dogg: "Eileen" back so you can rub this nuts! (pushes crotch forward and puts his hands behind his ears) Say Whaaaa?! Now look Fericito, why donīt you play me some of those Latin beats so we can turn it out.

Fericito: Letīs do it! (gets up from behind his desk goes to his timbales set) All right, Iīll be right back with Kiefer Sutherland from "Veinticuatro" (plays his timbales while Snopp Dogg dances)

Caption: Show Biz Grande Explosion logo

(Cheers and applause)


Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

SNL Transcripts