Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 29: Episode 20




03t: Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen / J-Kwon

Mary-Kate & Ashley Perfume

Male Announcer.....Chris Parnell
Female Announcer.....Maya Rudolph
.....Mary-Kate Olsen
.....Ashley Olsen

[ open on product, cutting between it and the Olsen Twins with fan wind blowing through their hair ]

Male Announcer: Hey.. you're a complex lady, with complex needs. And, for you, one scent just isn't enough.

Female Announcer: No, it's not.

Male Announcer: You need something for your elegant side.

Female Announcer: Ashley.

Male Announcer: And your wild side.

Female Announcer: Mary-Kate.

Male Announcer: 'Cause you're never just one thing.

Female Announcer: You're two.

Male Announcer: Sometimes you go to the theater.

Female Announcer: Ashley.

Male Announcer: And sometimes you hit the clubs.

Female Announcer: Mary-Kate.

Male Announcer: Two frangrances, both completely unique.

Female Announcer: Yet, remarkably similar.

Male Announcer: So, what are you in the mood for, ladies? A drive in a Rolls Royce?

Female Announcer: Ashley.

Male Announcer: Or a Mazzaratti?

Female Announcer: Mary-Kate.

Male Announcer: 'Cause you need something to wear to work.

Female Announcer: Ashley.

Male Announcer: And something to wear Saturday night.

Female Announcer: Mary-Kate.

Male Announcer: And something for Sunday morning.

Female Announcer: Ashley.

Male Announcer: And something for Sunday afternoon, say around threeish.

Female Announcer: Mary-Kate.

Male Announcer: But, what about holidays?

Female Announcer: Ashley.

Male Announcer: Jewish holidays?

Female Announcer: Mary-Kate.

Male Announcer: 'Cause you're a woman with many sides.

Female Announcer: Primarily two.

Male Announcer: So be ready for everything.

Female Announcer: Literally.

Male Announcer: Coal mining.

Female Announcer: Ashley.

Male Announcer: Tornadoes.

Female Announcer: Mary-Kate.

Male Announcer: Spearfishing.

Female Announcer: Ashley.

Male Announcer: Banjo lessons.

Female Announcer: Mary-Kate.

Male Announcer: Taxidermy.

Female Announcer: Ashley.

Male Announcer: Knee surgery.

Female Announcer: Mary-Kate.

Male Announcer: Mary-Kate and Ashley.

Female Announcer: For every occasion.

[ fade ]


SNL Transcripts