Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 30: Episode 2

04b: Queen Latifah

Short and Curly

Greg....Seth Meyers
Greg's Friend....Will Forte
Naked Guy.....Chris Parnell
Color-treated guy....Fred Armisen
Impressed man....Rob Riggle
Black Guy....Finesse Mitchell

[Opens with gym's bathroom. Two friends look in the mirror after a shower, towels around their waist.]

Greg's Friend: Hey, Greg! What's up?

Greg: Nothing.[ A vain look on his face]

Greg's Friend: You look...different.

Greg: Really?

Greg's Friend: Yeah, did you lose weight?

Greg: Nope.

Greg's Friend: Did you change your hair?

Greg: You could say that.

[Opens up his towel and his friend looks down on his crotch]

Greg's Friend: Greg, your pubes look fantastic!

Greg: Tell me about it.

Greg's Friend: How'd you do it?

Greg: Oh, I don't know...

[Gives him a bottle of shampoo. Its called Short and Curly. Daily thickening. 2-1 shampoo and conditioner. For male pubic hair]

Greg's Friend: Short and Curly. A pubic shampoo. Does it work?

Greg: Uh, you tell me.

[Greg stands completely naked. His genitals are pixeled. A group of friends gather around and take a look at his crotch. A naked guy joins them with his towel wrapped around his neck.]

Naked Guy: What's up, bros? [Looks down at Greg's genitals] Holy crud, Greg! Your pubes look awesome.

Greg's Friend: Check it out.

[Gives naked guy the shampoo bottle. Close up of the bottle blocks the pixeled genitals]

Naked Guy: Short and curly. Huh, I didn't know they made shampoo for pubic hair.

Greg: Yeah, it works for all kind of pubic hair.

Color-treated Guy: Even color-treated pubic hair?

[Animation sequence shows the pubic hair being washed with the shampoo. Pubes bounce and shine more]

Announcer: Short and Curly is specifically formulated to repair the damage caused by brushing and blow drying so your short and curlies will be shorter, fuller, shinier, curlier with more body and extra sheen. And don't forget about Short, Dark, Curly and Lovely.

[Bottle of S&C and SDCL]

Black Guy: But that, my friends, is strictly for the brothers.

[Black guy opens up his towel and shows his pixeled genitals. The white dudes stare with open mouths, clearly impressed with the black guy's penis size.]

Greg's Friend: [stunned]You look....great.

Black Guy: That's the special no-lie relaxer.

Greg: [lying to himself] Yeah, that's what it is.

[Bottles of Shampoo]

Announcer: New Short and Curly and Short, Dark, Curly, and Lovely available at fine pubic salons everywhere.

Naked Guy: Short and Curly. I'm going to pick some up on my way home.[smiles]


[Cheers and applause]

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

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