Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 30: Episode 4

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


October 30th, 2004

Kate Winslet



Johnny Damon


NBC Special Report
Summary: Osama bin Laden (Seth Meyers) delivers a videotaped message about the U.S. Election and Ashlee Simpson's appearance on last week's episode of "Saturday Night Live."

Recurring Characters: Tom Brokaw, Osama bin Laden.



Kate Winslet's Monologue
Summary: Following last week's Ashlee Simpson debacle, Kate Winslet sings and dances in order to prove that the show really is live.

Bio: Kate Winslet (1975-). Actress; often prefers to play "devilish damsels" on film rather than traditional starlet roles; films include "Titanic" (1997) and "Finding Neverland" (2004).

Rap Night
Summary: Extremely overweight rapper Chubb Hottie (Horatio Sanz) welcomes singer/songwriter Norah Jones (Kate Winslet).

Recurring Characters: Chubb Hottie, DJ Sugar Shock.


Mrs. Dr. Frankenstein
Summary: Mrs. Dr. Frankenstein (Kate Winslet) builds her perfect man (Fred Armisen), who turns out to be a gay monster.

Recurring Characters: Frankenstein.

TV Funhouse
Summary: Rob Smigel cartoon pokes fun of John McCain, who can't bring himself to deliver a Bush campaign support speech.

Clinton's Endorsement
Summary: While helping out on his campaign, Bill Clinton (Darrell Hammond) receives greater praise than John Kerry (Seth Meyers).

Recurring Characters: John Kerry, Bruce Springsteen, Clarence Clemons, Teresa Heinz Kerry, Bill Clinton.

Eminem performs "Mosh"
First Performed: 99c.

Weekend Update with Tina Fey & Amy Poehler
Summary: Seth Meyers and Johnny Damon are thrilled by the Red Sox's World Series win. Will Forte belches out his favorite Halloween songs. After becoming a naturalized citizen of the United States, Diego (Fred Armisen) explores Democracy Plaza. Elton John (Horatio Sanz) comments on Ashlee Simpson's lip-synching debacle.

Recurring Characters: Elton John.

Bio: Johnny Damon (1973-). Athlete; outfielder for the Boston Red Sox, 2002-05.

Kaitlin At The Mall
Summary: Kaitlin (Amy Poehler) begs her older cousin (Kate Winslet) to pierce her ears.

Recurring Characters: Kaitlin, Rick.

Eminem with Proof performs "Just Lose It"
Bio: Proof (1973-2006). Rapper; appeared with Eminem in the film "8 Mile" (2002); shot to death outside a Detroit club after killing a military veteran.

Goodwin Wig & Toy
Summary: Glenda Goodwin (Maya Rudolph) only sells non-frightening Halloween costumes.

Recurring Characters: Glenda Goodwin.


Election Map Colors
Summary: Prior to reporting election coverage, Tim Russert (Darrell Hammond) and Tom Brokaw (Chris Parnell) try to pick a neutral color to represent the uncounted states.

Recurring Characters: Tim Russert, Tom Brokaw.


Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Halloween Intervention
Summary: Friends gather round at a Halloween party to helptheir heavy-drinking friend (Chris Parnell).

Fight Back with Victor Ramos
Summary: Victor Ramos (Horatio Sanz) shows a Chicago Transit Authority employee (Kate Winslet) the proper way to fight terrorism.

Note: This sketch will eventually air in next season's episode hosted by Dane Cook.

Summary: Parents (Chris Parnell, Kate Winslet) struggle to find a way to break the news of their impending divorce to their children (Rachel Dratch, Amy Poehler, Will Forte).

Mexican Fiesta
Summary: Pitchman (Fred Armisen) promotes a Mexican spice that turns taco eaters into offensive Mexican stereotypes.

Its Happenings
Summary: Terrye Funck (Chris Parnell) hosts his cable access show from a low-rent buffet.

Recurring Characters: Terry Funcke.

John Kerry Ad
Summary: Women are eager to vote for John Kerry (Seth Meyers).

Recurring Characters: John Kerry.

Restraining Order
Summary: In a short film, a man (Scott Wainio) has a restraining order placed on him.

Bear City
Summary: Frustration culminates when a bear tries to get cigarettes from a gas station.

Note: This short film will air in the episode hosted by Paris Hilton.

Bear City
Summary: In high school, a boy bear's friends embarrass him in front of a group of girl bears.

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