04d: Kate Winslet / Eninem
Rap Night with Chubb Hotty
Chubb Hotty.....Horatio Sanz
DJ Sugar Shock.....Kenan Thompson
Norah Jones.....Kate Winslet
(Logo Rap Night with Chubb Hotty appears on screen
written in graffiti, cut to DJ Sugar Shock standing in
front of panel with sound levels, turntables and a
microphone, plays heavy rap beat)
DJ Sugar Shock: Yo´, Yo´, This is DJ Sugar Shock
saying its time for Rap Night with your host the
biggest, fattest, dopest rapper in the world, Chubb
(Curtains go up revealing fat as hell rapper Chubb
Hotty with mic on hand. Starts rapping and his song
appears on captions at the bottom of the screen)
Chubb Hotty: Yo´, yo´, yo´, I am Chubb Hotty fattest
rapper around and I´ve tasted all the yummy ladies in
this whole damn town, I´ve been a playa ass pimp from
the beginning of time, I ate a batch of Tortellini off
your mother´s behind, cause I´m fat, funky and super
slick, I clean my nuts with a sponge tied to the end
of a stick, Yeah!!! (Song ends, crowd cheers)What´s up
everybody!! Wooo!! Welcome to the show everybody. The
Red Sox won the World Series(cheers and boos) Yeah,
yeah speaking of Red Sox's, I wear a special kind of
socks to keep my circulation going so my feet don´t
turn black and fall off. (confused look from DJ Sugar
Shock)All right, let´s get this mother starteeeeed!!!
(DJ spins the turntables, plays funky beat and Chubb
walks over and sits in big ass sofa, has trouble
sitting in it)
Chubb Hotty: Ohhhh, ahhh, ufff, so DJ Sugar Shock what
did you do this weekend, man?
DJ Sugar Shock: Oh, you know I took the kids to a car
show. What you do?
Chubb Hotty: I filled my hot tub of Chef Boyardee and
I had an orgy in it.(stunned look from DJ)OK, now its
time for my new dope segment "What´s the weirdest
thing you ever ate?"
(DJ plays pleasant game show tune and sings "What´s
the weirdest thing you ever ate", cute smile)
Chubb Hotty: Oh, I´ll go first. Ummm, one time I put
some bleu cheese on a old futon and I ate it. What
about you Sugar Shock?
DJ Sugar Shock: Bleu cheese and a futon? I was gonna
say frog legs, man. But you win,you always win.
Chubb Hotty: Oh man, that was fun. My first guest
tonight is one of my favorite artists. She sure is
pretty and I think she weighs as same as my kneecap.
She´s here to perform our duet. "Don´t know why, to
get up off me" remix. Everybody, please welcome the
lovely Norah Jones!
(Norah sits at the piano, plays and sings with Chubb
joining in rapping in between verses of Norah´s hit
song. Chubb stands next to the piano)
Norah Jones: I waited till I saw the sun....
Chubb Hotty: Yeah, yeah....
Norah Jones: Don´t know why I didn´t call....
Chubb Hotty: I don´t know either....
Norah Jones: I left you by the house of fun....
Chubb Hotty: Wasn´t fun for me....
Norah Jones: Don´t know why I didn´t come by....
Chubb Hotty: Yeah, yeah I don´t know why you didn´t
come by either, I figured you forgot we had a date so
I ordered a pie, pizza that is, big as a trampoline
more cheese and sausages on that that the factory at
Norah Jones: My heart is drenched on wine....
Chubb Hotty: Yeah, yeah, my heart is drenched in
Crisco, had a triple by-pass back in San Francisco....
Norah Jones: You´ll be on my mind....forever....
Chubb Hotty: Yeah, yeah you´ll be on my mind too
unless I see a Wendy´s or a Chicken Cuckaroo....
Norah Jones: Don´t know why I didn´t come now....
Chubb Hotty: Yeah, yeah....
Norah Jones: Don´t know why, I didn´t come.(Song ends)
Chubb Hotty: WOOO!! JEAH! I CAN´T SEE MY OWN
DONG!!PEACE!!! Give me some love, sweetheart!
(Chubb wants to high five Norah and falls on the piano
crushing it. Sound of discordant piano keys, Chubb has
trouble getting up, gets up and walks back to big ass
sofa a little embarrassed. Norah sits on chair beside
Chubb Hotty: Sorry about your piano.
Norah Jones: Yeah, it´s a...no problem.
DJ Sugar Shock: Man, Chubb that´s like the 3rd piano
you broke this week!
Chubb Hotty: Well, that was a good nice song. Thanks
for being with us today, Norah.
Norah Jones: Yes, thanks for having me. Last time I
saw you was at that incident at the Olive Garden.
Chubb Hotty: Ummm, they lied to me. "All you can eat"
What a load of bull. Wasn´t that bull, Sugar Shock?
DJ Sugar Shock: Chubb, you was eating the plants, man.
They ran out of food and you started eating the
plants. Like a dinosaur.
Chubb Hotty: I´m just glad no one got hurt.
Norah Jones: Chubb, they had to shoot you with an
elephant tranquilizer and cut a hole on the wall to
get you out of there.
Chubb Hotty: Que sera ,sera. Ok, now it´s time for me
and Norah to do another song. You ready, girl?
Norah Jones: You destroyed my piano.
Chubb Hotty: You only brought one with you? You know
that you´re doing this show, right? All right then,
how about I just do my own joint? I called this
"Bustin´rhymes and busting zipphaaass" Deejay!
(DJ plays rap beat, Chubb dances around and raps)
Chubb Hotty: You think you know who i am cause I
weight 800 pounds, I make make to your girlfriend and
she´s still making sounds, you think your weak rhymes
make me broken hearted, I eat so much nasty food that
my kidneys are farting....(PPPPPPFFFFTTTTTT!! Horrible
DJ Sugar Shock: Oh, Lord Chubb!, the smell is coming
through the P.A. (fart continues)
Norah Jones: Smells like pepper spray and old
Chubb Hotty: Yeah, yeah, (cracks up a little bit)You
all better get out of the studio! For your own safety.
(Norah leaves disgusted)That´s all the time we have
left. This is Chubby Hotty saying join me next time
when my guests will be 500 hot dogs. Stay tuned for
the Tony Dans Show!
(Logo of Rap Night with Chubby Hatty appears on screen
(Cheers and applause)
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel