Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 30: Episode 4

04d: Kate Winslet / Eninem

Goodwin Wig & Toy

Glenda Goodwin.....Maya Rudolph

Glenda Goodwin: Does Halloween scare you? Do trick-or-treaters give you the heebie-jeebies? Are you afraid to attend your office Halloween party for fear that your co-workers will be dressed at evil skeletons, and it will freak you out?

Hi, I'm Glenda Goodwin. Halloween costumes scare the crap out of me. That's why at Goodwin Wig & Toy, you can get non-ooogly-gooogly costumes, that will make you very happy. Not like you want to poop your drawers. Like...[pictures of various costumes appear] businessman ... carrot ... giant sunglasses ... disco rollerskater ... hot dog [picture of hot dog man eating hot dog]. Ahh! Get that picture out of there. That hot dog is scary. Who told that hot dog to eat a baby hot dog? Ooh, that made me feel weird. Damn it!

At Goodwin Wig & Toy, you'll find everything you need to keep the nightmares away. But just in case you were wondering, here are some of the horrors NOT available at Goodwin Wig & Toy. Like...[pictures of various costumes appear] hobgoblins ... freakzoids ... goonies ... devil squirrel ... Tommy Chong ... funny nomcrils ... and baby Dracula.

Oh, no way Jose. Those pictures just gave me chicken skin. Did you see that baby Dracula? Nu-uh, you get the hell away baby Dracula. I will hit you with a shovel. I will say it again, I do not care for Halloween. So, do you want to be a scary freak this Halloween, or a nice person? It's your choice. But I'll tell you one thing, if you come to my house dressed like a zombie wolf, you'll be leaving empty handed. Except for the ice pack you'll be holding against your nuts. Oh, ill get it.

[gorilla is at the door, screaming]

Oh, hi. Oh no! [Glenda kicks gorilla in the nuts] You should have gone to Goodwin Wig & Toy.

Announcer: Goodwin Wig & Toy, located at 455 South Cesar Chavez Way.

[fade out]

Transcribed by: Chris Fuentes

SNL Transcripts