Air Date: Host: Musical Guest: Special Guests: Cameos: Bit Players:

November 13th, 2004 Liam Neeson Modest Mouse None None John Lutz Jason Sudeikis JB Smoove

Kerry Calls Bush

Summary: After losing the presidential election, John Kerry (Seth Meyers) calls to congratulate George W. Bush (Will Forte) on his victory. A dismayed Bush wishes they could change places. Recurring Characters: George W. Bush, John Kerry, Theresa Heintz-Kerry, Al Gore. Transcript

Montage

Liam Neeson's Monologue

Summary: Liam Neeson counters the usual SNL ethnic stereotypes by not allowing them on the show. Bio: Liam Neeson (1952-). Actor; minored in Drama while pursuing a teaching degree in England; films include "The Dead Pool" (1988), "Schindler's List" (1993), "Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace" (1999), "Gangs of New York" (2002), "Kinsey" (2004). Recurring Characters: Billy Smith. Transcript

Star Jones' Wedding Night

Summary: Crazy antics take place the night before Star Jones' (Kenan Thompson) wedding. Recurring Characters: Star Jones, Al Reynolds, Barbara Walters, Sean Connery, Liza Minnelli. Note: Even though Darrell Hammond is still in the cast, Liam Neeson curiously plays the part of Sean Connery.

You Call This A House, Do Ya?

Summary: "Buildin'" Finn McQuinn (Seth Meyers) and the home repair crew give an Irish home makeover. Transcript

Dr. Porkenheimer's Boner Juice

Summary: The juice that can keep men sexually-active for up to four hours. Note: Rob Riggle's erection under the sheets is edited out of the rebroadcasts. Note: Repeat from 04a.

Jasper the Parrot

Summary: After a night out, Phoebe (Rachel Dratch) brings her date (Liam Neeson) home to meet her giant parrot, Jasper (Fred Armisen). Recurring Characters: Phoebe. Transcript

Wake Up San Diego

Summary: Joyce Ann Golden (Maya Rudolph) and Trevor Green (Liam Neeson) waste time by repeatedly dancing to the morning show's theme music. Transcript

Modest Mouse performs "Float On"

Bio: Indie rock trio; formed in 1993 by vocalist/guitarist Isaac Brock, bassist Eric Judy, and drummer Jeremiah Green; got its unusual name from an obscure reference to the American middle class. Lyrics

Weekend Update with Tina Fey & Amy Poehler

Summary: John Ashcroft (Darrell Hammond) comments on his resignation from the Bush cabinet. College student Doug Stradley (Seth Meyers) makes a late comments on the election. Deaf comic Richie B. (Fred Armisen) insults his interpretor, Marcus (Kenan Thompson), by telling black jokes. Recurring Characters: John Ashcroft, Richie B, Marcus. Transcript

Appalachian Emergency Room

Summary: More hillbilly hijinks at the Appalachian Emergency Room. Recurring Characters: Receptionist, Percy Bo Dance, Netti Bo Dance, Willie Tater, Mrs. Denmont, Jake Denmont, Tyler.

Drug-Sniffing Dog

Summary: After misplacing their stash, a pot-loving couple (Liam Neeson, Amy Poehler) ask a policeman (Chris Parnell) if they can borrow one of their drug-sniffing dogs. Transcript

Modest Mouse performs "Ocean Breathes Salty"

Lyrics

Goodnights

Transcript

TV Funhouse

Summary: In Rob Smigel's cartoon, President Bush invents a de-gaying machine, which he haphazardly demonstrates on celebrities. Note: This cartoon will later air in the episode hosted by Luke Wilson.

Bear City

Summary: Frustration culminates when a bear tries to get cigarettes from a gas station. Note: This short film will air in the episode hosted by Paris Hilton.