Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 30: Episode 8

04h: Robert De Niro / Destiny's Child

Season's Greetings From "Saturday Night Live"

.....Horatio Sanz
.....Kermit the Frog (Muppeteer: Steve Whitmire)
.....Fozzie Bear (Muppeteer: Eric Jacobson)
.....The Great Gonzo (Muppeteer: Dave Goelz)
.....Animal (Muppeteer: David Rudman)

Don Pardo: And now a very special Christmas treat from all of us at "Saturday Night Live".

[show Horatio Sanz all dressed in red. Horatio is playing a lute, standing by a short brick wall, as jingle bells and drum beat plays in the background. ]

Horatio Sanz: One... Two... One- Two- Three…

[Horatio signals to stop the music. The music stops.]

Horatio Sanz: Jimmy? Tracy? Kattan? Guys?

[ Kermit enters, wearing a Christmas sweater and Ssanta hat]

Kermit: Horatio, is something wrong? Can I help?

Horatio Sanz: Oh, hi Kermit.

Kermit: Hi there.

Horatio Sanz: Oh, I'm just a little blue, cause there's no one here to sing my Christmas song with me.

Kermit: Oh my guys can do it! Right guys?

[Fozzie, Animal, and Gonzo enter dressed in red Christmas sweaters. Animal is caring a keyboard with a built-in drum machine. ]

Fozzie and Gonzo: Yeah. Sure. Sure.

Horatio Sanz: You guys…you guys know my Christmas song?

Kermit: Yeah.

Gonzo: Yeah, of course we know your song. You've sung it like three times a year for the past four years.

Fozzie: Yeah, I mean even Hans and Franz changed a few lines once and a while.

Animal: Hans and Franz! Hans and Franz! Hans and Frans! Ahh-ha-ha-ha…

Horatio Sanz: Wow, you guys are really going to sing my song with me?

Kermit: Oh sure we would. You ready, guys?

Fozzie and Gonzo: Oh Yeah. Yeah.

Kermit: All right, hit it!

[drums, and bells begin again]

Horatio Sanz: One…

Fozzie: Two...

Horatio Sanz: One-

Fozzie: Two-

Horatio Sanz: Three-

Fozzie: Four!

[ they start playing. Snow starts to fall.]

Horatio Sanz: "I don't care what your momma says, Christmas time is nee-ear!"

Fozzie: "I don't care what your papa says, Christmas will soon be here!""

Horatio Sanz: "All I know is that Santa's Claus don't care about breaking no flying laws."

Fozzie: "He brings toys to boys and girls."

Horatio Sanz: "In every nook and cranny in this crazy old world."

Fozzie: Yeah!

Horatio, Kermit, Fozzie, and Gonzo:
"I wish it was Christmas todaa-ay!
I wish it was Christmas todaa-ay!

Kermit: Get down!

Horatio Sanz: "I don't care what anybody says cause Christmas time is dee-ear!"

Gonzo: "I don't care what anyone says-Christmas is full of chee-eer!"

Fozzie and Horatio: "I don't care about the five o'clock news. I don't care if our lights blow out a fuse. I wish it was Christmas todaa-ay, in the good old U. S. of A!"

Horatio, Kermit, Fozzie, and Gonzo: "I wish it was Christmas todaa-ay!"

Gonzo: Whoo!

Kermit: Ahh, play it!

Animal: Christmas! Christmas!

Kermit: Yeah!

[ they stop playing, and bow to the audience ]

Submitted by: GelflingWaldo

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