Saturday Night Live Transcripts
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Season 30: Episode 9
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 Air Date:
Host:
Musical Guest:
Special Guests:
Cameos:
Bit Players:
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January 15th, 2005
Topher Grace
The Killers
None
None
John Lutz
Jason Sudeikis
JB Smoove
Paula Pell
Liz Cackowski
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White House Press Conference
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Summary: President George W. Bush's (Will Forte) questions are fielded by former presidents Bill Clinton (Darrell Hammond) and George Bush, Sr. (Fred Armisen).
Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush, Bill Clinton, George Bush.
Transcript
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Topher Grace's Monologue
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Summary: When Topher Grace receives the dumb-questions-from-studio-audience treatment, he thinks he's being 'punked.
Recurring Characters: Terrell, Terrell' Wife.
Bio: Topher Grace (1978-). Actor; his first acting role was as Eric Forman on "That 70's Show", 1998-2006; his real first name is Christopher, but he changed it because he didn't like being nicknamed "Chris".
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Trucker Talk
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Summary: While on the road, truckers discuss the Brad Pitt-Jennifer Aniston break-up over their CB radios.
Recurring Characters: Skeeter.
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Martin Luther King Day
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Summary: Lazy black paramedics (Kenan Thompson, Finesse Mitchell) refuse to work on their special day.
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CBS Evening Fraudulent Document Update
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Summary: Dan Rather (Darrell Hammond) apologizes for a series of fraudulent documents he had errantly reproted as fact.
Recurring Characters: Dan Rather.
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Beaver Ranch
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Summary: Tyler (Topher Grace) loses his virginity to elderly prostitute, Dot (Rachel Dratch), and learns a valuable life lesson.
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The Killers perform "Somebody Told Me"
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Bio: Alternative rock group; members: vocal/keyboardist Brandon Flowers, guitarist David Keuning, bassist Mark Stoermer, and drummer Ronnie Vannucci.
Also Performed: 06a.
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Weekend Update with Tina Fey & Amy Poehler
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Summary: In honor of Martin Luther King Day, Weekend Update recognizes the fictional Cliff (Kenan Thompson) and Clair Huxtable (Maya Rudolph) as positive role models in the African-American community.
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Artsy Apartment
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Summary: Nuni (Fred Armisen) and Nuni (Maya Rudolph) - whose names are the same but have different pronunciations - show off the weird furniture in their apartment to their neighbors (Topher Grace, Rachel Dratch).
Recurring Characters: Nuni, Nuni, Tato.
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Hardball
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Summary: Zell Miller (Will Forte) yells about the tsunamis.
Recurring Characters: Chris Matthews, Howard Dean, Zell Miller.
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The Not So Incredible Adventures Of The Down And Out Dollar
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Summary: After a drop in value, the dollar bill (Amy Poehler) takes a lot of flak from the foreign currencies she once dominated over.
Transcript
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The Killers perform "Mr. Brightside"
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Dress Rehearsal Cuts
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Doctor's Office
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Summary: A young doctor (Topher Grace) acts immature while discussing heart surgery with his patients (Chris Parnell, Maya Rudolph).
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Bear City
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Summary: In a pinch, a bear uses the handicapped toilet, only to be confronted by a bear in a wheelchair.
Note: This short film will air in the episode hosted by David Spade.
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One Night Stand
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Summary: Man (Topher Grace) and woman (Amy Poehler) try to make small talk the next morning after their one night stand.
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Gibson Studios
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Summary: Bill Kurtis (Darrell Hammond) records various A&E show promos.
Note:
This sketch will later air in the episode hosted by Jason Bateman.
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Bear City
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Summary: Frustration culminates when a bear tries to get cigarettes from a gas station.
Note: This short film will air in the episode hosted by Paris Hilton.
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Rafael Alonzo's I.T.F. Technical Computer Institute
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Summary: Rafael Alonzo (Fred Armisen) teaches simple computer technology.
Note: This sketch will later air in the episode hosted by Paris Hilton.
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SNL Transcripts
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