04m: Hilary Swank / 50 Cent
City Court with Aaron Neville
Aaron Neville.....Horatio Sanz
Margaret Shanklin.....Hilary Swank
Dale James.....Chris Parnell
Man in the street.....Finesse Mitchell
Announcer: You´re watching Pax. What´s up with that?
(Montage has Aaron Neville dressed in a cutoff robe,
slow dancing with mic on hand in a cloudy, smoky set)
Announcer: You are now entering the chambers of City
Court with Aaron Neville.
Aaron Neville: (sings)I don´t know much, and I don´t
have a law degree...
Announcer: Aaron Neville is a multiple Grammy-Award
winning recording artist. He is not a judge nor is he
a legal professional of any kind.
Aaron Neville: (sings)But I do know that I like to
Announcer: All the litigants agreed to have their
cases settled solely on the basis of Aaron Neville
rudimentary understanding of the American Legal System
and innate sense of fair play.
Aaron Neville: And that may be all I need to
kno-o-o-o-o-o-ow.(Crosses his arms, looks at camera
with beatific smile.)
(Cut to inside of a courtroom. Plaintiff Margaret
Shanklin is a trashy looking woman, chewing gum and
holding a dog wrapped in a red leather jacket.
Caption:Margaret Shanklin Plaintiff)
Announcer: The litigant Margaret Shanklin claims that
her ex-boyfriend Dale James owes her over $1,500
dollars in unpaid loans.
(Dale is picking his nose, has a stupid look on his
face, sunglasses, ponytail.Caption:Dale James
Bailiff: Court is now in session. All rise for Mr.
(All rise, Aaron enters, sits in the judge´s podium)
Aaron Neville: The litigants have been sworn in and I
have read your complaints. So please Ms. Margaret
Shanklin, (sings)tell it like it i-i-i-i-is.
Margaret Shanklin: Well your honor Aaron Neville, I
had set aside $1,500 dollars to open up my own
business making Thriller-Style Michael Jackson
jackets(holds up dog)for my dog. Which I loaned to my
trifling good-for-nothing ex-boyfriend Dale.
Dale James: Huh-uh, your Honor, that ain´t true. When
she gave me that money she said it was a gift, uh,
because she was so impressed with my lovemaking
Aaron Neville: Please Mr. James, you´ll have your
chance in a second. Ms.Shanklin, please continue.
Margaret Shanklin: Thank you, your Honor.
Aaron Neville: (sings)I am not a ju-u-u-u-udge.
Margaret Shanklin: Right. Mr.Neville.
Aaron Neville: (sings)Thank you-u-u-u-u-u-u.
Margaret Shanklin: Um, anyways as I was saying, I
loaned Dale the money so he could pay off his
Blockbuster fines then I find out he used it to get
his car painted like the General Lee from "The Dukes
Dale James: It was an investment, your Honor. I
planned to use it to make money at mall openings,
parades, you know, car shows and such.
Margaret Shanklin: It´s a Dodge Neon, Dale. It looks
Aaron Neville: (sings)Everybody just play it co-o-o-ol
for a second.(stops singing, turns to bailiff)Excuse
me bailiff, you have my cocoa butter?
Bailiff: Yeah, they only had the 12 ounce tube
though.(gives Aaron the tube of cocoa butter)
Aaron Neville: Thank you. Excuse me, my lady.(starts
smearing cocoa butter on his arms)
Margaret Shanklin: So anyways Dale pulls up...
Aaron Neville: Excuse me, would either of you care for
Margaret Shanklin: No, thank you, sir.(Dale nods no)
Aaron Neville: My tattoos respond well to frequent
cocoa butter applications.
Margaret Shanklin: OK.
Aaron Neville: (sings)It accentuates my muscle tone,
while moisturizing my dry ski-i-i-i-i-i-n.
Margaret Shanklin: Right.
Aaron Neville: Ok, Mr.James. Please tell me your side
of the story.
Dale James: I fully intended to pay her back but next
thing I know she´s shacking up with Stavros, the
Margaret Shanklin: That ain´t true!!
Aaron Neville: Order!Order!(pounds gavel, gavel slips
out of his hand. Tries pounding again, slips and it
falls again to the floor) Please excuse me, my hands
are slippery with(sings)cocoa butha-a-a-a.(little
crack up)Ms. Shanklin I see you have a witness here.
Margaret Shanklin: Yes, Mr.Neville This is my son
Odell from my first marriage.
(Young black teen steps up)
Odell: Yo´, what´s up your honor?
Aaron Neville: I see you had some(sings)chocolate in
your peanut buttha-a-a-a-a.
Margaret Shanklin: Yes, Mr. Neville in the early 90´s
I found myself in a common law situation with Lawrence
Taylor of the New York Giants.
Aaron Neville: Ok, as it turns out I am running out
of(sings)cocoa buttha-e-o-e-o-a-a.(stops singing)So I
will be right back with my decision in a few moments.
(cut to a statue of Lady Justice.Caption: You Be The
Judge. Man in a suit interviews a man on the street)
Interviewer: She claims he owes her $1,500 dollars. He
says no way! How do you feel Aaron Neville will rule?
Man on the street: I don´t think he knows much about
Interviewer: Yeah, tell me about it. But what about
Man on the street: Seems like he is pretty into cocoa
Interviewer: Yes, yes he is. All right, back to the
studio for Aaron Neville´s ruling.
(Back in the courtroom, Aaron continues to apply cocoa
butter on his arms)
Aaron Neville: (sings) Oh, the touch, the feel of cocoa
butha-a-a-a-a.(stops singing) Ok, here´s my
ruling.(sings)Bop, bop, boop, boop. Bop,bop, boop,
boop. Bop, bop, boop, boop. Everybody acts like a fool
sometimes,(confused look on Margaret´s face, Aaron
uses cocoa butter tube like a mic)You lent some money
to this stupid fool(Dale shrugs)you ain´t gonna get it
back babe, next time you make a loan you should put it
in writing, that´s just common sense. Everybody now
leaves the courtroom, leave.(stops singing)Good night
Announcer: Guests of City Court with Aaron Neville
stay at Aaron Neville´s house.(Photo of white and blue
house-boat on a river.Caption:Aaron Neville´s house)
And special thanks to Queen Helene´s cocoa
butter(photo of Queen Helene cocoa butter
recipient)Now that we mentioned your product, please
send us free stuff.
(Cheers and applause)
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel