Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 30: Episode 16

04p: Cameron Diaz / Green Day

Woo! The Musical

Girl 1.....Cameron Diaz
Guy 1.....Fred Armisen
Girl 2.....Rachel Dratch
Guy 2.....Will Forte
Announcer.....Chris Parnell
Guy 3.....Rob Riggle
Sherry.....Maya Rudolph
Guy 4.....Horatio Sanz
Jervis DuBois.....Kenan Thompson

Announcer: Spring Break, we’ve all been there, whether we remember it or not. Now the magic of spring break, meets the magic of the theater, in the brand new musical “Woo!”

(sound effect of people going woo!)

(Cameron Diaz is standing with a gaudy background)

Girl 1: (singing) I’ve never been anywhere like this before, I’m a straight ‘A’ student from Oklahoma City. But now that I’m in Mexico, I’m ready to grow I’m ready to know, I’m ready to show the woman that’s inside of me! [unbuttons her top] WOO!

Announcer: The Daytona sun says: It’s like a musical, and it’s about spring break.

(Rob Riggle and Rachel Dratch are standing together, Rachel is drinking something out of a coconut)

Guy 3: Sup?

Girl 2: Hi.

Guy 3: Hey, my buddy wanted me to give your bathing suit bottoms back.

Girl 2: Oh that’s sweet.

Guy 3: Take it light (exits)

Girl 2: (singing) Who was his friend? I wish I knew. Was it Drew, or was it Hugh? It might be Stu, what was his name!? Oh yes, it was Darnell! (whispers) Darnell!!

Announcer: Allison Grove of the Galveston Journal said, “this musical lasted almost two hours.”

(Will Forte and Fred Armisen are sitting next to each other on chairs)

Guy 2: Bro, I just wanted to let you know I was really polluted last night.

Guy 1: Yeah, it’s ok, so was I dude

Both: (singing) We don’t remember a thing we did last night,

Guy 1: Do we bro?

Guy 2: You tell me, do we bro?

Guy 1: No we don’t, bro

Guy 2: Then we’re cool, bro.

Guy 1: Yes we are, bro.

Both: Then lets go bro’ing at some huevos rancheros

Announcer: With special guest Artist, Jervis DuBois from “The Young and The Restless.”

The Miami Hearald says “Of all the shows Jervis DuBois has done, this one is the most recent”

(Kenan Thompson is on a Porch)

Jervis DuBois: (singing) Where do all the black people go on spring break? They sure as HELL ain’t here in Dumoins Hotel. Where are they? Oh where they at?

Announcer: The Fort Lauderdale Chronicle says, “The theater was really cold, I wish I had worn a sweater.”

(Cameron Diaz has a cup in her hand and is being cradled by Horatio Sanz)

Guy 4: (singing) Girl you make me feel so tight, like Coors beer light. Don’t know ‘bout you but yo, it just feels right (spins Cameron out to dance) Will you visit me at Texas A&P?! (Cameron spews on Horatio’s belly)

Girl 1: WOO!

Announcer: The Saratota Times says, “The snacks at intermission were expensive”

(Maya Rudolph stands with a bunch of girls next to her)

Sherry: (very perky) HI GUYS! I’m Sherry from Western Michigan University! And I just got the Spring Break Fever!!

Sherry and Girls: WOO!

(All the characters come in behind her)

Sherry and Others: WOO!

Sherry: Spring O-Five!

Sherry and Others: WOO!

Sherry: Sleepin’ on the floor ya’ll!

Sherry and Others: WOO!

Sherry and Others: WOO!

Sherry: Intestinal Parasites!

Sherry and Others: WOO!

Sherry: Mexican Clinics, eatin’ the worm ya’ll! Loosin’ my keys, loosin’ my purse and my virginity! OH!


Announcer: “Woo!” Now playing at the Fort Lauderdale Sheraton. Ticket admission $20, or get in free if you show us your ta-ta’s

Submitted by: Kim C.

SNL Transcripts