04q: Tom Brady / Beck
Tom Brady's Falafel City
Dennis DeYoung....Horatio Sanz
Genie Singer 1....Amy Poehler
Genie Singer 2....Seth Meyers
Genie Singer 3....Maya Rudolph
Genie Singer 4....Kenan Thompson
[Opens with Tom Brady dressed as a middle eastern
sultan with a turban, black vest, red belt, orange
Tom Brady: Sim, Sim, Saladin, folks! I'm Tom Brady and
ever since I was a kid I've had one dream and one
dream only--to open up a restaurant selling high
quality middle eastern cuisine at discount prices.
Sure, winning all those Super Bowls was fine but take
it from me, nothing compares to serving up a lamb
kabob platter with all the fixings for just $4.59.
[Tom is given a plate, he smells it]Mmmm-mmm.[gives
plate back]So, what do you got to lose? Come on down
to Tom Brady's Falafel City.
[4 singers dressed as genies appear in front of Tom.
They sing and dance while he's in middle dancing
All:[sing] Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ganush! Ba, ba, ba, ba,
ba ganush! ba, ba, ba,ba, ba ganush! Ba,ba,ba ba, ba
Singer:[sing] At Tom Brady's Falafel City, yeah Tom
Brady's Falafel City!
All:[sing] So grab yourself a pita, fill it full of
meat at Falafel City, ba,ba Tom Brady Falafel City!
Tom Brady: I'll be honest with you folks. I was sick
and tired of people coming up and asking me "Hey, Tom.
Where I can get a good falafel sandwich in the south
plain field New Jersey area?" So sick and tired that I
converted an old veterinarian's office into north
central New Jersey's finest low-cost, high volume,
middle eastern eatery. How about a juicy shawarma
sandwich just for $2.59?
[Tom is given the sandwich. He smells it, is kind of
disgusted, throws it back]
[The 4 genie singers appear]
All:[sing]Ba,ba,ba,ba,ba ganush! Ba,ba,ba,ba,ba
ganush! Ba,ba,ba,ba,ba ganush!
Singer 1:[sing] At Tom Brady Falafel City!
All:[sing]We'll get you feeling awful, grab yourself a
falafel, at Falafel City, ba,ba Tom Brady Falafel
[Genie singers leave]
Tom Brady:[holds curved knives] Tom Brady Falafel City
is without a doubt one of the top 5 NFL quarterback
owned and operated middle eastern restaurants in all
of the south plain field area. Don't believe me? Just
ask my occasional tennis doubles partner former Styx
front man Dennis De Young.
[Dennis appears, does a lame robot]
Dennis De Young: Domo Arigato Mr. Tom Brady! Hey! I'm
Dennis De Young. Tom Brady has the best middle eastern
food around. Not that I'd know anything about that.
No, crippling food allergies prevent me from going
anywhere near middle eastern foods of any kind. Just
the smell of hummus can cause to break out in weeping
sores all up and down my thighs. Trust me it can get
pretty gruesome. But I'm not alone. Thousands of
Americans are battling debilitating food allergies
daily. That's why Tom Brady generously agreed to
donate 50 cents of every dollar to "The Dennis De
Young House". A charity I started to help me build a
Tom Brady: I didn't agree to anything.
[Apparently Tom skipped his lines]
Dennis De Young: So I can live in it. All right, let's
do this.[Horatio looks up to Tom. Cracks up]
Tom Brady: I did not. That was not the house.[cracks up]
Dennis De Young: All right. Maybe you didn't. Aahhh
but that's great.[cracking up] All right, we'll see
you next Saturday, we got an 8:00 court time, right?
Tom Brady: Yup.
Dennis De Young:[sings] You're Tom Bra-a-ady!!! You
sell discount falafels!!! [laughs]
Tom Brady: So next time you see yourself in the south
plain field New Jersey area go to Tom Brady Falafel
City! Open Says-a-,me!
[Genie singers appear]
All:[sing] There's no burgers, fries or weenies just
tabbouleh and tahini, Falafel City ba,ba Tom Brady
[Map to Tom Brady's Falafel City]
Announcer: Tom Brady Falafel City off route 14 in the
strip mall behind Derek Jeter's Taco Hole. Right
between Donald Trump's House of Wings and Al
Sharpton's Casa de Sushi. Al Sharpton's Casa de
Sushi---now serving Thai food.
[cheers and applause]
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel