Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 31: Episode 2

05b: Jon Heder / Ashlee Simpson

Taco Town

.....Bill Hader
.....Jason Sudeikis
.....Andy Samberg

[ open on Bill, Jason and Andy eating tacos at Taco Town ]

Bill: You know what I love about tacos?

Jason: What's that?

Bill: Everything.

[ they all share their joy with laughter, as Andy mimes milking Bill's taco]

Jason: Can tacos get any more kick-butt than this?

Announcer: [ chuckles ] Oh, ho ho, they're about to, all right! New, at Taco Town:

[ the ingredients are continuously filled onto the taco throughout the Announcer's pitch ]

We take a crunchy, all-beef taco, smother it in nacho cheese, lettuce, tomato and our special southwestern sauce. Then we wrap it in a soft, flour tortilla with a layer of refried beans in-between.

Jason: Sweet!

Announcer: Then we wrap that in a savory corn tortilla with a middle layer of Monterey Jack cheese.

Andy: Awesome!

Announcer: And it gets even awesomer, when we take a deep-fried gordita shell, smear on a little of our special "guacamolito" sauce and wrap that around the outside.

Bill: [ trying to hold this mighty taco ] This is pretty big..

Announcer: But it gets even bigger! Because we bake it in a corn husk filled with pico de gallo, then then wrap that in an authentic Parisian crepe, filled with egg, gruyere, merguez sausage and Portobello mushroom.

Jason: [ getting restless ] Can I eat in now?

Announcer: Sure. But not before we take the whole thing and wrap that in a Chicago style deep dish meat lovers pizza!

Andy: Pizza? Now that's what I call a taco!

Announcer: Well, it's not a Taco Town taco until we roll it up in a blueberry pancake, dip it in batter and deep-fry it until it's golden brown. Then we serve it in all commemorative tote bag filled with spicy vegetarian chili. It's 15 great tastes all rolled into one.

[ a huge, oversized taco is dropped into a large tote bag, as a cascade of spicy vegetarian chili is poured over it ]

All: Taco Town!

Announcer: The new pizza crepe taco pancake chili bag. Only at Taco Town.

Jason: Taco Town!

[ fade ]

Submitted by: Matthew Brenner

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