05i: Jack Black / Neil Young
Space War 2148
(Opens on shot of outer space, space music plays and
the announcer words scroll up the screen)
Announcer: In the year 2148 an epic battle between
aliens and humans raged in space. During this war 2
ships collided leaving 2 warriors, one from each side,
stranded on a deserted moon. This is their story...
(Glirk the alien is green, 3 fingers on each hand, 2
antennas and has a slow speech pattern. Steve is a
bearded astronaut fixing some piece of his spaceship
with a screwdriver. They sit on a crater of the moon)
Glirk: Hey, Steve?
Steve: Yeah, Glirk.
Glirk: So, I know it's been a while since our ships
crashed into each other during the space war between
Glirk: And I know we've been stranded in this moon
with no one but each other to be friends with for a
long time now...
Glirk: Aaand odds are no one is going to find us out
Glirk: And it would be just me and you until we die...
Steve: What's your point, Glirk?
Glirk: Well, in light of all that I think there's
something maybe you should know.
Steve: OK, shoot.
Glirk: Oh gosh! How do I put this? I have both male
and female genitalia. Soooo, just something to think
(Shot of the green moon, space music. Caption: One
Glirk: Oh, hey Steve! How is it going? (Steve is fixing
a panel of the spaceship)
Glirk: That's cool. So, have you thought at all about
that thing I brought up like about a week ago?
Steve: It's not gonna happen, Glirk.
Glirk: Right. Cool. Totally cool.
(Shot of the green moon, space music. Caption: One Day Later...)
(Steve and Glirk are playing spin the bottle, Glirk spins it and intentionally points it at Steve)
Glirk: Oh! Your turn! Truth or dare?
Glirk: Ok, ummm if you had to hook up with someone on this moon. Who would it be and why?
Steve: Good night, Glirk. (Steve leaves)
Glirk: What? It's just a game!
(Shot of the green moon, space music. Caption: One Hour Later...)
Glirk: Guess whooo? (Glirk holds a test tube with green
liquid in it. Drunk.)
Steve: Hey, Glirk. (Steve uses a wrench on piece of spaceship)
Glirk: Oh, man! I am tipsy on this space wine. If
somebody wanted to take advantage of me right now,
they totally could.
Steve: Nice try.
Glirk: Whatever that means! By the way I got us tickets.
Steve: Tickets to what?
Glirk: Tickets to the male and female genitalia show!
Steve: Yeah, I'll pass.
Glirk: Sorry, this tickets are non-refundable. (Glirk opens up his suit and flashes Steve)
Steve: Oh, God! (Glirk's crotch emanates an intense bright green light)
Glirk: One of these is a virgin. Guess which one?
Steve: I think I'm gonna be sick! (Steve goes off to vomit)
Glirk: Space wine! (Laughs drunkenly)
(Shot of green moon, space music. Caption: Five Minutes Later...)
Glirk: Hey, Steve! What's up, bro'.
Steve: Nothing, Glirk.(Steve is fixing spaceship)
Glirk: Oh, that's cool. I just had sex with myself. What are you doing?
Steve: I'm fixing my spaceship so i can go home to my wife and kids!
Glirk: Aaahh, I never did understand why you waste
your time on this old hunk of junk. I mean you got me!
I'm flesh and blurve. I love you Steve! And you know
what? I'm all you've got!(Hits the cockpit canopy and
breaks it, engine revs)
Steve: You did it! You broke it but you also fixed
it!! You fixed it!!(Freeze frame of them hugging each
Steve V/O: I had sex with Glirk that night. It
was surprisingly enjoyable. Although, after we were
done my balls turned black and fell off. They floated
off into space and I never saw them again. Although,
legend has it if you look up at the sky on a clear
night, you can still see them up there. Winking at
(Cheers and applause)
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel