Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 31: Episode 12

05l: Steve Martin / Prince

Super Bowl XL Rehearsals

Aaron Neville....Horatio Sanz
Aretha Franklin....Kenan Thompson
Dr.John....Jason Sudeikis
Male Coordinator....Seth Meyers
Female Coordinator....Amy Poehler

(Opens with USA Today headline: Super Bowl XL Detroit. February 5, 2006. Next is a headline from the Detroit Free Press:Aaron Neville, Aretha Franklin and Dr. John sing national anthem. Shot of Ford Field Stadium. Banner: Super XL Bowl.)

Caption: Detroit. Saturday, Feb. 4th

(Cut to inside of the arena.Two security guys in yellow jackets stand-by. A male and female coordinator team appears with black jackets of Super Bowl XL and earpieces)

Female Coordinator: OK, Aaron, Mr. Neville we don't have a lot of time for these rehearsals. This is your mark for the national anthem right here.(Points at the base of the microphone. Aaron Neville enters with his sleeveless jean jacket) I'm going to need you right here.

Aaron Neville: (Sings) I don't know much, about this Super Bowl, but I do know that I'd like a bowl of gumbo-o-o-o.

Male Coordinator: Wow! That was great. You really sound great, Mr. Neville.

Aaron Neville: No, seriously. I need some food. I'm hypoglycemic. If my blood sugar is too low, I fall on my ass and smash my booty bone.

(Big tittied Aretha shows up)

Aretha Franklin: Is somebody talking about getting some food?! Cause if they give him some food, they better give me some food. Shoot!

Female Coordinator: OK, Aretha, we're not quite ready for you yet.

Aretha Franklin: Well then you best gets ready, sista! And (sings)you better think!....think about getting me some biscuits!

Male Coordinator: OK, Aretha what kind of food can we get you?

Aretha Franklin: Well....

(Scraggly looking,gray haired, bearded, with a leather black beret, Dr John walks in)

Dr. John: (sings) I love that chicken from Popeye's!

Male Coordinator: Sorry, what?

Dr. John: Yeah, looky here, my name is Dr. John. How you doin'. AKA Mr. Mac Rebennack. That's my suggestion. The Popeye's is. I'm paid to sing the Popeye's jingle but I also think it's pretty damn good grub.

Aretha Franklin: Popeye's suits me just fine, baby!(leaves)

Male Coordinator: OK, I'm on it.(leaves)

Female Coordinator: Yeah, you guys, we need you to keep this moving, OK? We got the Rolling Stones in here. We don't have a lot of time.

Dr. John: All right, well you just holler when you need me, OK? I'm gonna pass out underneath that tarp over there.(leaves)

Aaron Neville: Ooh-Wee! This stadium air is dry. I need to moisturize my face, neck and chiseled biceps.

Female Coordinator: I'm sure we can track down some lotion for you, Aaron.

Aaron Neville: I don't use lotion. I use butter.(sings)Fine, fine cocoa buttha-a-a-a. Creole King cocoa butter, makes my skin feel smo-o-o-o-oth!

Female Coordinator: OK, we're not doing a commercial here, Aaron.

Aaron Neville: Oh, that's too bad. Because cocoa butter keeps my skin supple while accentuating the contrast of my tattoos.(Aretha appears)

Aretha Franklin: Tattoo? Back in the 70's I went out on a date with Tattoo. Herve Villechaize. That's right! I picked him up and threw him through a basketball hoop. That little bastard got so mad he almost tried to stab me! Now, that's what I call foreplay!

(Horatio looks at Kenan, Kenan stifles a laugh)

Female Coordinator: Wow, that's an inspirational story Aretha but we really need to get through the anthem one time. At least once.

Aaron Neville: Excuse me. I have a question. Is it possible for me to get a stand or a little stool perhaps so I can set my cocoa butter on.

Female Coordinator:(on her earpiece)OK, can we get Mr.Neville a stool, please?

Aretha Franklin: Oh yeah, I want a stool too baby! A real high one that I can rest my titties on!(Girl brings in 2 stools, waist level)No,no,no. This is not high enough, sugar! This ain't high enough! I'm gonna have to take my brassier off to use this!

Female Coordinator: OK, look everyone, let's get together and let's run this thing! Dr John, please!

(Dr.John appears with stuffed, giant rabbit holding a football while Aaron applies fine cocoa butter on his arms)

Dr. John: Oh,oh,oh hey!,looky here what I just won and/or stole!

Female Coordinator: Aaron, why don't you start it off? Let's do it!

Aaron Neville: OK, I'll start it off.(Into the mic, Star Spangled Banner)Oh, say can you see-hee-hee-heee-hoo--huu-hiii!By the dawns early lights hiii-hoo--hoo-hee-hoo-hoo-haa-hee-haa-hee-hii-huu(little crack up)hee.(Smears more cocoa butter)What's so proudly we hailed....

(Male coordinator arrives with 3 boxes of Popeye's chicken)

Dr. John: Hey! the food guy's back! Let's get the hell outta here!!

Aretha Franklin: Come on, Neville! Come on!

(Aretha grabs the 3 boxes of Popeye's chicken, Aaron takes a piece of chicken)

Dr. John:(sings)I do love that chicken from Popeye's!!

(Aretha, Aaron and Dr.John haul ass)

Female Coordinator: Guys!,please! OK, well I think that went really well.

Male Coordinator: Yes, that was the smoothest run through yet, those guys are pros.

Female Coordinator: Yeah.

(The two coordinators study the clipboard)

(Cheers and applause)

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

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