Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 31: Episode 15

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


April 8th, 2006

Antonio Banderas

Mary J. Blige


Chris Kattan

Anderson Cooper 360
Summary: Anderson Cooper (Seth Meyers) discusses the immigration issue with Colorado Rep. Tom Tancredo (Jason Sudeikis), Mexican President Vincente Fox (Antonio Banderas) and a hairified Cynthia McKinney (Kenan Thompson).

Recurring Characters: Anderson Cooper, Vincente Fox.


Note: Though credited, Maya Rudolph does not appear in this episode.

Antonio Banderas' Monologue
Summary: Antonio Banderas reveals that he is really a woman.

Bio: Antonio Banderas (1960-). Spanish actor; appeared prominently in films directed by Pedro Almodóvar during the 1980's; American film performances include: "Desperado" (1995) and "The Mask of Zorro" (1998); married to actress Melanie Griffith.


Basic Instinct 2
Summary: Sharon Stone reveals a lot more between her legs in the long-awaited film sequel.

Recurring Characters: Sharon Stone.


Deal Or No Deal
Summary: An eager contestant (Antonio Banderas) doesn't understand the rules of the multi-faceted game.

Recurring Characters: Howie Mandel.


Summary: Monotone-speaking telephone operator Julie (Rachel Dratch) meets a man (Antonio Banderas) at a cocktail party.

Recurring Characters: Julie.


Besos Y Lagrimas
Summary: Contorted facial expressions and a wind-blown shirt dominate infidelity on a Spanish soap opera.


13th Annual Women's Basketball Coaches' Fashion Awards
Summary: Women's basketball coaches are celebrated for their masculine clothing choices.

Mary J. Blige performs "Be Without You"
First Performed: 92o.

Weekend Update with Tina Fey & Amy Poehler
Summary: Dan Rather (Darrell Hammond) has bitter sentiments about Katie Couric's assignment to host the "CBS Evening News". Finesse Mitchell delivers a Public Service Announcement about the warning signs of an angry black woman. "One Tree Hill" hearththrob Chad Michael Murray (Will Forte) comments about the numerous co-stars he's married. Because Antonio Banderas is tonight's host, Chris Kattan makes a surprise appearance to remind viewers that he used to imitate Banderas on SNL.

Recurring Characters: Dan Rather.


Summary: Frightened at the prospect of bird flu, Antonio Banderas lets his hefty stand-in (Horatio Sanz) perform a kissing scene with Catherine Zeta-Jones (Amy Poehler) while filming "Zorro."


Summary: A shy woman's (Rachel Dratch) attempt to express feelings for her boyfriend (Antonio Banderas) in song are hijacked by the shameless karaoke DJ (Amy Poehler).


The Plan
Summary: Antonio Banderas, Horatio Sanz and Fred Armisen announce that the Spanish-speaking population really is plotting an American takeover.


Mary J. Blige performs "Enough Crying"

Wine Enthusiasts
Summary: Pretentious friends (Chris Parnell, Amy Poehler, Antonio Banderas) offer increasingly outlandish comments on the wines they are tasting.



Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Head Lice
Summary: Insert live roaches in your hair to get rid of lice.

Airport Bar
Summary: While waiting for his plane, Antonio Banderas shares a drink with a woman (Kristin Wiig) who constantly complains about everything.

America's Top Romance Model
Summary: Male models (Antonio Banderas, Kenan Thompson) compete for the chance to appear on the cover of a romance novel.

Recurring Characters: Ryan Seacrest.

An SNL Digital Short
Summary: Andy Samberg has trouble eating with his obtrusive lobster claws.

The Suit
Summary: Ed Mahoney (Jason Sudeikis) makes an ass of himself to a clothing salesman (Antonio Banderas) while purportedly shopping for a suit.

Recurring Characters: Ed Mahoney.

Soccer Match
Summary: A benchlined soccer player (Antonio Banderas) wants desperately to be put in the game.

Tech Pack
Summary: Spokesman (Jason Sudeikis) recommends the Tech Pack for a woman (Kristin Wiig) who's having a difficult time carrying all of her techno gizmos around.

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