Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 31: Episode 15

05o: Antonio Banderas / Mary J. Blige

Antonio Banderas' Monologue

.....Antonio Banderas

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen - Antonio Banderas!

Antonio Banderas: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you!

Ladies and gentlemen - friends - amigos Hispanos - amigos Chicanos - people in general - doctors - lawyers - politicians - truck drivers - taxi drivers - children - elderly cabelleros and senoras - baseball players - journalists - papparazzis - etc. etc.

Probably tonight is the beginning of the end of my career. But I gladly take this risk, in order to have the opportunity to be part of the american pop culture. Which means that, after the show finishes, I will not only be deported from this country, but there is a strong possibility that they won't allow me back into mine. But I will use this opportunity to say that not everyone in Spain dress as a bull fighter or a flamenco dancer. And, you know - you know what? I am tired of being called a Latin lover, a macho man. I am not an object. and you will understand why I am saying this, once you know the truth. The truth will shock the world, or, at least, a village. But the truth is, that I am, in fact, a woman.

[ he rips off his suit to reveal a slinky red dress and bouncing breasts ]

My real name is Guadalupe, but you can call me.. Lupita! [ pulls off his breakaway pants to reveal the rest of his dress and knee-high boots ] Or, as some people know me, "Puss In Boots." I have so much conflict over the past several years. As a man, I was living a lie; as a woman, I am obviously less attractive, but it is what it is.

We have a great show for you tonight. My sister - Mary J. Blige - is here. so stick around, we'll be right back!

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