Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 31: Episode 15

05o: Antonio Banderas / Mary J. Blige


Alberto.....Antonio Banderas
Julie.....Rachel Dratch
Juan.....Fred Armisen

[open on exterior of residence]

[dissolve to interior, a party, with Julie eating finger foods as a man approaches her]

Alberto: [with Spanish accent, continues throughout] Oh, look at all this food.

Julie: [with monotone voice, continues throughout] I'm sorry. I didn't get that.

Alberto: I'm just hungry.

Julie: Okay.

Alberto: Hi, I am Alberto. [extends his hand]

Julie: [shakes his hand] Hi, I'm Julie.

Alberto: Hi, nice to meet you. So, what do you do, Julie?

Julie: I do voice recordings for various customer service lines such as American Airlines and Amtrak.

Alberto: Wow. I am a CPA. I know, I know, boring.

Julie: That's right.

Alberto: No, but at this time of year, busy, busy, busy.

Julie: I think you said "Dizzy, dizzy, dizzy." Did I get that right?

Alberto: Eh, no. "Busy."

Julie: I think you said "Lizzie."

Alberto: No, "Busy. Busy."

Julie: My mistake. So, Alberto, let me get some information. What do you do for fun?

Alberto: Well, not much.

Julie: Got it.

Alberto: I like trying new restaurants.

Julie: Got it.

Alberto: And I play tennis.

Julie: Got it.

Alberto: [clears throat] Ah, yeah. How about you?

Julie: I like to travel to various locations, such as Dallas/Fort Worth and New York/Laguardia. Other information may be available online.

Alberto: Well, I'll take a look.

Julie: Also, I'm a shopaholic!

Alberto: A what?

Julie: A shopaholic!

Alberto: I'm sorry, I do not know what you mean. I mean, my English is not that...

Julie: Oh, to continue in Spanish, please say "Yes."

Juan: [steps up behind Julie] Para continuar en español, diga "Sí."

Julie: Alberto, this is Juan. He's a friend of mine from work.

Juan: Bienvenidos.

Alberto: Hola. Hola.

Julie: Will you be needing drinks tonight?

Alberto: Sure, thanks!

Julie: Please listen carefully, as the options have changed. Or, if you know the drink you want, you can interrupt me at any time. There's merlot, chardonnay, various cocktails--

Alberto: I'll have a gin and tonic with lime, something like that.

Julie: Before I get your drink, let me see if I have that right. That's one gin and tonic on the rocks with a twist. Did I get that right?

Alberto: Yeah.

Julie: Your approximate wait time is one minute. [walks up towards the bar]

Juan: Primero necesito información. [asks a question in Spanish]

Alberto: [answers in Spanish]

Juan: Claro. ¿Necesitas un carro?

Alberto: A car? No, I have a car.

Juan: Goodbye. [steps away]

Julie: [returning with two drinks] I've got your drink.

Alberto: [takes his drink from her] Oh! Thank you. Thank you, Julie. I was wondering, do you think I could get your number?

Julie: Oh, sure. It's eight hundred, five, five, five, oh, one, nine, nine.

Juan: [stands behind Julie] Ocho cientos, cinco, cinco, cinco, zero, uno, nueve, nueve. [steps away]

Alberto: Uh... [chuckles] Anyway, Julie, would you like to get out of here?

Julie: Oh... [chuckles] Your approximate wait time is zero minutes.

[Alberto puts his arm around Julie and they exit together]

Submitted by: DavidK93

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