05p: Lindsay Lohan / Pearl Jam
[Opens with an outside shot of Le Rendezvous
restaurant. Cut to inside of it, 2 couples share a
table. They have just finished dinner. A blonde
waitress brings dessert]
Waitress: Ok, here it is....you asked for it. Our
signature dessert, Chocolate Vesivius.
[Puts dessert on the table. "Ohh's" and "Aahh's" from
the couples at the table]
Waitress: I brought you extra spoons.
[They each pick a spoon. Young girl goes first]
Lindsay: Oh, my God, ok.[takes a bite]Mmmm, Oh, my
God, you guys![slams fist on the table]Oh, my God!
Fred: Is it good?
Lindsay: Oh, my God! Yes!
Rachel: Ok, I gotta taste this.[takes a bite and
starts doing a snake dance]Meow-meow, meow-meow,
meow-meow-meow-meow-meow.[2 big slams of her hand on
Fred: Wow, ok, let me try a little bit.[takes a bite,
throws the spoon on the table, gets up and points to
Jason: Ok, all right, I gotta try it. Just a little
bit though, I shouldn't....[takes a bite, gets
up]WHAT?!, WHAT?!,ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!,WHAT?![sits
back down]Oh, damn it!, oh, hell. Whooo, whooo, whoo.
Lindsay:[extends her arm]Somebody take my pulse. I
think I died and gone to chocolate heaven!
Fred: Get it out of here, get it out---I don't want it.
Rachel: I gotta take another bite.[takes bite,gets up
and swings her purse over her head and throws it
away]YEAH!, YEAH!, YEAH!, YEAH! WHOOOO!!!
[They keep enjoying the orgasmic dessert]
Jason:[makes sounds like a beat box]WHOOOO!!!!
Fred:[crying]Why? Why do they make these things so good?
Rachel:[licking spoon] What is it? What is it?
Lindsay:[gets up and points at the dessert]What is
that? What's inside that cake?
Jason: It's so good.
Lindsay: This cake is like---what is it? A hot brownie
batter? Oh, you dirty chocolate bitch![throws spoon at the dessert]
Jason: Oh, you are a dirty bitch.
Fred: Yeah, dirty, dirty.
Jason:[gets cross eyed]Oh! I've gone blind! The
chocolate made me go blind! I can't see a thing!
Fred:[stops waiter and takes plates from his tray]Oh,
God! You know what? You know what? I gotta say
this---[starts to break the plates over his head]You
know what? That's what I say! It's unbelievable!
Rachel:[face smeared with chocolate]Oh, my God!
There's ice cream down there!
Jason: ICE CREAM!
Fred: ICE CREAM!
[Dig into the deseert with their hands, their faces
are dirty with chocolate]
Jason: GET OUT OF THE WAY! GET OUT OF THE WAY![grabs
waiter by the neck]What'd you feed me?!
Waiter: Get your hands---[gets put on a headlock and
punched in the face 3 times]
Jason: GET OUT OF HERE!
[They are now growling around the table, a mess of
chocolate all over the table, faces all filthy with
Rachel:[jumps on the table, knife in her hand]STAND
BACK! STAND BACK! THE REST IS MINE! THE REST IS
Fred:[pulls on his tie as in auto-erotic asphyxiation,
licks spoon]Oh,yeah, oh, yeah, oh,
yeah.Mmmmmm-mmmmmm.[moans in pleasure]
Waitress: Are you guys done with this?
[The foursome growl and give primal screams to the
waitress, she flees in terror]
Jason: Aaaahh, get out of here!
Rachel:[makes monkey sounds]
Fred:[starts trashing the restaurant]No way, man!!
It's too good![breaks a chair in a customer's back] Too good!!
Lindsay:[picks Jason up into the air, circles him
around]Sweet Mariah! Chocolate Vesuvius!![slams him
into the floor, Jason jumps up like nothing happened]
Waitress: Can I---can I get anybody anything else?
Jason:[normal and gentle again]Yes, the check would be great.
Waitress: Okay.[leaves the check]
Jason: Thank you.
Rachel:[normal again, points at his face]You've got a little something.
Jason: Where? Up here?
Jason: Over here?
Rachel: Right there.[points]
Jason: Where? Like this far down.[stretches neck
trying to find the stain]
[Cheers and applause]
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel