Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 31: Episode 19

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

May 20th, 2006

Kevin Spacey

Nelly Furtado



Jorma Taccone

John Lutz

Anderson Cooper 360
Summary: Anderson Cooper (Seth Meyers) discusses the Mexican border patrol issue with Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (Darrell Hammond) and a glad-not-to-be-in-Iraq National Guard soldier (Kenan Thompson), as well as the New England floods with an irate housewife (Rachel Dratch).

Recurring Characters: Anderson Cooper, Arnold Schwarzenegger.


Kevin Spacey's Monologue
Summary: Kevin Spacey vamps it up for an over-the-top "American Idol" demonstration.

First Hosted: 96j.

Two A-Holes at a Crime Scene
Summary: The Two A-Holes (Jason Sudeikis, Kristin Wiig) make for poor witnesses at the crime scene of a stolen vehicle.

Recurring Characters: Male A-Hole, Female A-Hole.


Oprah Winfrey's Legends Ball Special
Summary: Oprah Winfrey (Maya Rudolph) hosts an all-star salute dedicated to the many, many African-American women who have inspired her life.

Recurring Characters: Oprah Winfrey, Patti LaBelle, Maya Angelou, John Travolta, Tom Cruise.

Summary: Jim (Jason Sudeikis) and Amanda (Amy Poehler) set up his dad (Kevin Spacey) with Carol (Horatio Sanz).

Recurring Characters: Carol, Jim, Amanda.


TV Funhouse
Summary: Rob Smigel's latest cartoon shows off a collection of "All-New Presidential Outtakes," which features everyone from the Speaker of the House to a deer performing a spit take whenever President George W. Bush delivers a speech.

The Usual Suspects
Summary: When Kevin Spacey demands to know why Andy Samberg is late arriving at the studio, the mockful featured player fabricates a story right before his unsuspecting eyes.

Nelly Furtado with Timbaland performs "Promiscuous"
Timbaland First Performed: 97m.

Weekend Update with Tina Fey & Amy Poehler
Summary: "American Idol" contender Taylor Hicks (Jason Sudeikis) comes knocking on the Update door. After a clip from her first Weekend Update, Tina Fey delivers her second Women's News commentary and projects new predictions for Britney Spears. Whitney Houston (Maya Rudolph) rounds up a group of recurring characters to celebrate Tina Fey's 180th episode.

Recurring Characters: Taylor Hicks, Whitney Houston, Bobby Brown, Frondi.

The Falconer
Summary: Complications abound when Ken "The Falconer" Mortimer (Will Forte) is visited by his future self (Kevin Spacey) in an attempt to prevent Donald from being shot by a hunter (Maya Rudolph). When the mission fails, they bungle their way further and further back in time with a growing army of their former selves for a series of near-misses at saving Donald's life.

Recurring Characters: Ken "The Falconer" Mortimer.


An SNL Digital Short
Summary: Andy Samberg stars in "Andy Walking", a zany segment in which he exploits the "stupidity" of ordinary people by asking them simple questions that they actually give the correct answers to.


Legends of History
Summary: A profile of Phillip Sarc (Kevin Spacey), the man who heralded the Dawn of Sarcasm.


Nelly Furtado performs "Maneater"
First Performed: 00i.

Neil Young: I Do Not Agree With Many of This Administration's Policies
Summary: Neil Young's (Kevin Spacey) latest album subtlely expresses his opposition for the Bush administration.


Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Head Lice
Summary: Insert live roaches in your hair to get rid of lice.

TV Land Variety Vault
Summary: A lost television recording from 1960 features spookish Vincent Price (Bill Hader) hosting a Memorial Day special with guests Carol Channing (Kristin Wiig) and Jack Lemmon (Kevin Spacey), and Alfred Hitchcock (Horatio Sanz) appearing in a commercial for "Psycho."

Recurring Characters: Vincent Price, Jack Lemmon, Alfred Hitchcock.

The Noodle Man
Summary: A couple (Will Forte, Rachel Dratch) receive assistance with their spaghetti dinner from the Noodle Man (Kevin Spacey).

Iron Man
Summary: An astronaut (Kevin Spacey) disrupts his crew's space flight by playing Ozzy Osbourne's "Iron Man."

An SNL Digital Short
Summary: A cop (Andy Samberg) has a difficult time eating with his obtrusive lobster claws.

Denver International Airport
Summary: A pair of American Indians (Horatio Sanz, Fred Armisen) sell good luck items to travelers at the Denver International Airport.

Jimmy Zerillo's Zoo
Summary: Jimmy Zerillo (Fred Armisen) announces the grand re-opening of his zoo, now featuring taller fences to keep the dogs from escaping.

SNL Transcripts