06a: Dane Cook / The Killers
Man #1.....Will Forte
Man #2.....Andy Samberg
Man #3.....Bill Hader
Man #4.....Kenan Thompson
Man #5.....Darrell Hammond
Farrah Fawcett.....Amy Poehler
Woman #1 (Bride).....Kristin Wiig
Woman #2.....Maya Rudolph
Man #6.....Fred Armisen
(After Farrah Fawcett inserts herself into the sketch, a graphic of a bar exterior is seen with KANSAS CITY, KANSAS, 1:50 AM)
T-Bird: You ready Deuce?
Deuce: Letís do this T-Bird.
(They turn on the lights in the bar)
T-Bird: Okay folks, barís closed, letís go, letís go!
Deuce: Letís go people, time to go, you donít have to go home, but you cannot stay here! Letís go!
(They begin taking to a group at a table)
T-Bird: All right guys, closing time, letís go. Weíve got to move out.
Man #1: Can I have 5 more minutes? You just turned on the lights!
T-Bird: You just want to finish your beers?
Deuce: Right here in this bar?
Man #1: Ya, is that cool?
Deuce: Ya, thatís fine, take your time!
(Deuce and T-Bird walk out)
Man #1: Itís 2:00AM already, I canít believe that game went 19 innings!
(Deuce and T-Bird return with a bullhorn and a light)
Deuce: Letís go guys!
T-Bird: Come on letís go, beat it.
Man #2: Well, which one of us gets the trophy?
(Deuce breaks the trophy in half)
Deuce: There, youíre both winners. (laughter) Letís go. It doesnít matter where you go, you cannot stay in this bar. Letís go!
(T-Bird and Deuce approach a man and two girls all talking)
T-Bird: Letís go, closing time!
Man #3: Weíre in the middle of a conversation.
T-Bird: Letís go!
Deuce: You know what, Iím gonna need your keys.
Man #3: Actually, Iím the designated driver.
Deuce: Ya? Well now youíre the designated key finder! (laughter) Letís go!
Man #3: Woah!
T-Bird: Letís go, move it.
Deuce: Move it out, letís go, weíre closing! (To a table) Gotta go guys, Gotta go, now!
Man #4: I just ordered these nachos!
Deuce: Oh you want a to-go bag?
(Deuce tips table and slides food into T-Birdís bag)
Deuce: There you go!
T-Bird: Letís go, how are we doing ladies?
All right finish your Jello shots and get out!
Woman #2: Itís a special occasion!
Farrah Fawcett: Sheís getting married, and Iím Farrah Fawcett.
Bride-to-Be: Youíre foxy, youíre cute!
Deuce: Oh really, we are actually much cuter, outside! Letís go!
(Deuce and T-Bird pick up the bride and carry her out, as the other two ladies walk out of the bar; Deuce and T-Bird then continue to throw things away from customers sitting at the bar; they get to the end where Gary is sitting; the man is smiling, T-Bird breaks his glass, and Deuce sprays him with beer)
Gary: Same time tomorrow?
T-Bird: Ya see you tomorrow, Gary, letís go!
(laughter and applause as we FADE OUT)
Submitted by: Dirk Noel