Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 32: Episode 2





06b: Jaime Pressley / Corinne Bailey Rae

Cider Chat

Neighbor #1.....Jaime Pressley
Neighbor #2.....Kristin Wiig

[ open on exterior, suburban front porch, night ]

[ truck forward to two women neighbors sitting on wicker furniture while sipping cider ]

Neighbor #2: Oh. It's such a beautiful night tonight.

Neighbor #1: Mmm. I love Fall, a nice cup of hot cider, and a good friend.

Neighbor #2: I can't wait to get a pumpkin!

[ they sip their cider ]

Neighbor #1: Mmm. You know, I ran into Sally today.

Neighbor #2: Really?

Neighbor #1: She's put on a ton of weight.

Neighbor #2: Oh, that's too bad. That's too bad.

Neighbor #1: I just hope she's all right.

[ they sip their cider ]

Neighbor #2: Mmm! Cider is so good!

Neighbor #1: I used a cinnamon stick as a stirrer.

Neighbor #2: Oh.

[ they sip their cider ]

Neighbor #2: Mmm. Oh - well, I ran into Herb today.

Neighbor #1: Oh, really?

Neighbor #2: Yes. He said he was sober, but he didn't smell like it.

Neighbor #1: You know, I saw him peeing on his front lawn. He was so drunk he threw up all over his own ding-dong.

Neighbor #2: [ smiles ] Oh, that's Herb for you!

[ they sip their cider ]

Neighbor #1: Oh, I love the smell of Fall.

Neighbor #2: I kind of like the smell of my own farts.

[ they sip their cider ]

Neighbor #1: Oh! I know what I wanted to tell you! Janice found a bloody sweater in her husband's trunk.

Neighbor #2: Again?

Neighbor #1: I guess our husbands aren't so bad!

[ they laugh at the joke ]

Neighbor #1: I cut myself on purpose this morning.

[ they sip their cider ]

Neighbor #2: Mmm! I forgot about cider!

Neighbor #1: Me, too!

[ they smile, then sip more cider ]

Neighbor #2: I'm thinking about having a party for all the dogs in the neighborhood.

Neighbor #1: I had a dream where I was a feather with an alligator mouth.

Neighbor #2: My real name is Ronald.

Neighbor #1: I peed in the cider.

[ truck back, fade ]


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