Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 32: Episode 3

This free script provided by

Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


October 21st, 2006

John C. Reilly

My Chemical Romance


Will Ferrell

Special Report with Brit Hume
Summary: Brit Hume presents Part One of his interview with President George W. Bush (Will Forte), in which Bush agrees with each of his statements.

Recurring Characters: Brit Hume, President George W. Bush.



John C. Reilly's Monologue
Summary: James Lipton (Will Ferrell) praises John C. Reilly for his film performances.

Recurring Characters: James Lipton.

Bio: John C. Reilly (1965-). Character actor; co-starred with Will Ferrell in "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby" (2006), later headlined "Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story" (2007).


Colonial Williamsburg
Summary: The manager (Jason Sudeikis) at Colonial Williamsburg has to fire Gary (John C. Reilly) for acting racist toward his co-workers in the name of historical accuracy.


Swimming Lesson
Summary: Swimming teacher Doug Frangelo (John C. Reilly) makes sure his student (Will Forte) gains enough experience swimming on land before stepping into the water.


Korean Central Television
Summary: Kim Jong Il (Amy Poehler) addresses the nation of North Korea.

Recurring Characters: Kim Jong Il.


Two A-Holes Work Out with a Trainer
Summary: The Two A-Holes (Jason Sudeikis, Kristin Wiig) show up late for their exercise workout, completely wasting their trainer's (John C. Reilly) time.

Recurring Characters: Male A-Hole, Female A-Hole.


My Chemical Romance performs "Welcome to the Black Parade"
Bio: Punk-pop band; formed in 2001 by lead singer Gerard Way and drummer Matt Pelissier; adopted their name from author Irvine Welsh's novel "Three Tales Of Chemical Romance"; other members are guitarist Frank Iero, bassist Mikey Way, guitarist Ray Toro, and drummer Bob Bryar (who replaced Pelissier in 2004).


Weekend Update with Amy Poehler & Seth Meyers
Summary: Flavor Flav (Kenan Thompson) makes up nicknames female congressional members.

Recurring Characters: Flavor Flav.

Note: In dress rehearsal, Andy Samberg and Fred Armisen appeared respectively as YouTube founders Chad Hurley and Steve Chen.


Mexican Restaurant
Summary: Due to a breakup with her boyfriend, Jennifer (John C. Reilly) becomes emotionally unstable during lunch with her girlfriends (Maya Rudolph, Amy Poehler, Kristin Wiig).


House of Carters
Summary: Sibling rivalry between Nick Carter (Jason Sudeikis) and younger brother Aaron (Andy Samberg).

Recurring Characters: Aaron Carter.

An SNL Digital Short
Summary: Harpoon Man (John C. Reilly) tracks down the announcer (Andy Samberg) who's making negative comments about him during his theme song.


McMillan Family Moment I
Summary: McMillan dad (John C. Reilly) tries to pass along the family tradition for eating an Oreo cookie to his ungrateful son (Andy Samberg).


Operation Bearshark
Summary: Scientists break out into song after the funding for Operation Bearshark is cut off.

McMillan Family Moment II
Summary: McMillan dad (John C. Reilly) once again tries to pass along the family tradition for eating an Oreo cookie to a black boy (Kenan Thompson).


My Chemical Romance performs "Cancer"

McMillan Family Moment III
Summary: McMillan dad (John C. Reilly) lashes out at his own father (Jason Sudeikis) after learning he got the family tradition for eating an Oreo cookie all wrong.



Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Support Group
Summary: Newsmakers Madonna (Amy Poehler), Paris Hilton (Maya Rudolph), Donald Rumsfeld (Darrell Hammond), John Mark Karr (Bill Hader), and a stingray (Andy Samberg) are united in notoreity at a support group meeting.

Recurring Characters: Madonna, Paris Hilton, Donald Rumsfeld.

Note: This sketch served as the cold opening at dress rehearsal.

Summary: Entrepreneuer Cal Brandeis (Jason Sudeikis) acts as virtual pimp for a new dating service that will discreetly deliver a "date" to your door within minutes of registering online.

Summary: A football coach (John C. Reilly) visits one of his star players (Andy Samberg) in the hospital.

Summary: To maintain its everyday low prices, the discount merchandising outlet proudly cuts corners on employee benefits.

New Hat
Summary: Spokesman (John C. Reilly) promotes a hot dog wrapper hat.

SNL Transcripts